No Renesmee

I sat up slowly.The pain was gone now and I felt strange. All of the cullens stood me in defensive positions.I looked around the room for any oncoming danger and realised that i was it.Edward walked round to stand in front of me.He reached out and stroked my cheek with the back of his hand.His touch no longer felt cold to me which at first made me jump."Oops," I muttered.
Alice laughed and a huge grin appeared across her face.She'd probarly seen me do something silly in the future.I climbed out of the bed.
"Come look." Alice said, taking my hand and pulling me into her room.She placed me infront of a mirror.
I was pale with purple bruise-like shadows under each of my eyes.But best of all I was beautiful.The main difference between me and Alice were our eyes.Mine were bright red.Iknew they would change colour in about two weeks.

Edward joined us in the room. "Carlisle says that me and you are to take Bella hunting." he said to Alice. Edward smiled at me before launching himself out of the window. Alice followed. I jumped.I wouldnt say gracefully but Edward probarly would.
"we'll start slowly."Edward promised.We started running.The wind blew through my hair as i glided noisilesly through the forest.I stopped when the river blocked my path.Alice sighed and kept on running.She jumped, did a somersault in the air and landed the other side of the river.Not wanting to give Emmett another reason to laugh at me, i backed up a few paces before jumping.I landed further forward than Alice had.
"See," she said "easy."

Edward spun me round."now listen." he whispered.At first i didnt know what we were suppose to be listening to,until i zoomed in on one particular sound.Deer were drinking further down the river.
"Four,"I guessed
"Four in the water,tow in the bushes and one by a tree."Edward told me.
"One of them is still a baby."Alice added.We started running in the direction of the deer until I came across another,more appealing scent.A human.I ran the opposite direction to the scent.Edward caught up with me quickly.
"That was remarkable!Ive never seen a newborn give up a hunt before."
I shrygged."It could of been someone i know."
He laughed,bringing himself forward a few feet in order to kiss me.He didnt feel like stone to me anymore.His kiss was wilder than the ones i was use to.Like he'd finally let his guard down.
"Listen again," he mumbled.I could hear something but i wasnt sure waht it was.
"mountain lion.a pride of them." Said Edward
"Should keep you happy Edward."Alice mumbled.
Edward scowled at her "Not helpful Alice,"

Messages
When we arrived back at the house everyone looked worried except emmett,nothing bothered him. Carlisle gave me a piece of paper.It read:

saypeotoubfkqpisclitlgieljdayvnvibocmltgkoeorzmintanosjlokzicpwjxkwyiuvlfilstahtlprkadodcfoqyprowyu

"Its a code,"I whispered."Jacob taught me.You take the thire letter each time."
As i spoke i wrote down what i was explaining.
youkilledvictoriasoiwillkillallofyou
"then you seperate the words out."
you killed victoria so i will kill all of you

Edward was motionless beside me.i pulled him onto the sofa next to me and held his face between my hands,just like he use to do with me.
"its ok."i whispered"its going to be ok.you know that dont you?"
"suppose."he murmured.but his eyes wouldnt lock with mine.in an attempt to distract me,edward pulled me onto his lap and started playing with my hair.
"so rileys back to get his revenge."emmett said
"thats not the problem."said jasper.everyone turned to face him with puzzled expressions."if he wants revenge then he will go after the ones who destroyed victoria first before going after the others.edward and bella were victorias killers."
"but bella didnt actually destroy her.i did."edward growled.
"but she was there edward.she was the one that victoria was after.the main reason that victoria is dead."jasper said, leaning against the couch.
"i dont see him attacking."said alice.
"he knows about your gift.hes not deciding anything until the last moment so you cant see."jasper said.he was talking a lot more then usual.normally he just listens and contributes something when he has to.


our shifting future
edward seemed reluctant to go to school this morning,probarly because i was one of rileys main targets.i told him that he should go and carlisle backed me up.
"me and esme are here and alice will see if riley plans to attack the house.so go to school its important that we beld in with the humans and so far youve all had four days off school and people are starting to take notice."carlisle said.
"dont worry about me." i said.then alice revved the car impatiently.edward sighed and stalked towards his BMW.
the day went slowly without edward.carlisle had taken a day off work to stay at home with me.it was all stupid.i was a vampire now.i could protect myself.when i had nothing to do i always thought of jake and he was on my mind alot at the moment.he hadnt even been seen for 5 days.id hurt him so much by changing but in a way i saved him.jacob shouldnt of had to wait for me.even if i had chose him then i would of always of been thinking about edward and i would of never run right.we have both changed so much and i dont think that we will ever fit in each others worlds anymore.hes not my jacob anymore and im not his bella.esmes voice broke me from my thoughts.
"bella edward will be back in a minute.you can go and wait outside for him if you want."
i nodded my head and ghosted outside.i sat down on the steps outside the house and put my head in my hands.edward was suddenly beside me,pulling my hands away from my face.i could of easily stopped him but i didnt really want to.
"whats wrong?"he asked
i shrugged"have been thinking about jacob."
"sorry."
"stop it."i grumbled
"im still sorry that i made you choose.it wasnt fair."
i thought about what edward use to say to me before i replied
"you gave me two options and i chose the one that i could live with.the one who i cant live without."
"it still wasnt fair."i didnt answer him and just got up and walked inside the house.in the evening i played chess against jasper.he quickly took out my king and then my queen.next alice came and reset the board.in under two minutes she had me in check and then check mate.she had won and id learned the reason why nobody else would play chess against her.she cheated.well not technically,but she has an unfair advantage.alice then sat on the sofa with the tv remote flicking through the channels.i went over to the computer to check my emails.i couldnt reply to any of them but i wanted to see how everyone was coping with my 'dissapearance'.most of the emails were from my mum.

where are you.is it a trick?stop it now!
mum

bella answer your phone.this is stupid.
mum

bella please reply im getting worried
mum

whatever it is we can sort it out.just please come home bella i miss you so much.reply to my messages.i just want to know that your safe and happy.
mum

i should of deleted the messages but i couldnt bring myself to.instead i printed them out along with my old online diary and put them in my jacket pocket.
"alice?"esme said suddenly. i spun round and alices face was blank.the remote slipped through her fingers and bounced off the table."rileys coming here."she whispered"hes going to attack the house."jasper put his arm round her."no."alice shouted
"whats wrong?2
"hes planning to take charlie hostage.so then we wont attack."for a moment everyone eyes flickered between me,edward and alice.
"youve got to get out of here."edward said to me.
"i have to make sure charlies safe."i said getting up and heading towards the door.edward caught my wrist.
"you cant go.its part of his trap.leave it."
"no."i growled"i dont care if its a trap.its my fault charlies in danger and i wont let him get hurt."i turned to start walking again but edward wouldnt lat me go.i through him against the wall."you would go if it was carlisle."i said and ran out of the house.

in the trap
i ran and sat in the old oak tree and just watched charlie.he looked even older than usual and it was my fault.then suddenly something pushed me out of the tree.i stood up.the face that was infront of me i knew well.too well.it was riley.
"now bella come with me and charlie will not be harmed."he said.he gestured with his hand for me to start moving and i did.he put me on a plane which took me to new york and locked me up in a room.riley had even hired a wolf to watch me.everywhere i went he went.it was the only way to stop alice from seeing where i was.he kept me locked up for 4 weeks before unlocking the door.he threw jasper into the room with me.i didnt move and kept my head in my hands.but i had to ask him something.
"jasper,are the others alright?"
"yeah.edwards gone a bit mad with worry and there searching for you.last time i saw them they were in italy."i lifted my head up to look at jasper.
"how did you stand it?back when you were with maria."
"i didnt."
"i can hear the humans heart beat next door."
"you probarly shouldnt think about that."
"so how did riley get you?"
"if i didnt come then he would get alice instead.sort of what you did."
"sort of."i agreed.istood up and put my hands in my pockets.there was something inside the left one.i pulled it out.the emails were to wet to read so i threw them against the back wall before turning my attention to the diary.i read it over and over again so that i wouldnt forget who i was.

dear diary,
theres a boy i sit next to in biology who was acting very strange today.jessica said that he was called edward cullen.his family are strange to.so beautiful but wierd.theres a girl that looks like a movie star who is attached to a strong looking boy.a sort of pixie girl and a boy who looked like he was uncomftorabe,in pain maybe?i think theye hiding something and im gonna find out what.
bella

dear diary,
today edward said that he was dangerous.i dont really believe that.but there is something else there.a dark secret that him and his family are hididng.
bella

dear diary,
jake told me a story today,well not a story of such,more of a legend.it was about werewolves and vampires.the legend said that the cullens had lived in forks a long time ago.his tribe found them hunting on their land.they made a treaty with the vampires and that it hasnt been broken.
bella

dear diary,
E.D.W.A.R.D C.U.L.L.E.N I.S A V.A.M.P.I.R.E!
his family are to.he can read everyones mind except mine.but the best news is that im in love with him and hes in love with me!

dear diary,
edwards taking me to his house in a minute so i can meet his family.i hope they like me.got to go edwards arrived.
bella

there was a few more entries before it suddenly broke off when james came after me.i let jasper read it too but i felt a bit embarssed when i remembered what id written about him.
"so thats what you thought of me,"jasper laughed."i suppose we are a bit wierd."
"just a bit."

hopeless
another two weeks past and we still hadnt been rescued.alice still couldnt see us because of that stupid wolf.then we found out why riley didnt just destroy us.
"im creating an army."he said"and my army needs skilled military leaders.victoria told me about jasper skills and bella is still young and easy to munipulate."
"whats the army for?"jasper asked
"i will use it to destroy the cullens."
"no!"i shouted.riley walked over and picked me up by my neck.
"poor scared girl.no more than a mere child.didnt know what this life was truly like until it was too late.had the choice of life in her hands and chose to lose it.you wanted this life so now you will have to face the consequences of your choice."
"let her go riley."jasper said.riley dropped me.
"oh well."he said"ive got something for you."he left the room and came back in with a crying human girl.she could of been no older than 8 years."a human girl for bella to drink."
i stood up and grabbed hold of the trembling girl.
i could feel the venom inside my mouth.there was no more strength left inside me to fight back.i knew that the moment i kill her riley will be in control.that i will no longer be me.bella swan will turn into a killer.i stroked the skin on her neck.riley was smiling but jasper just watched me destroy myself.let riley win like jasper had with maria.
the girl screamed as i bit her.

different bella
i had been a 'bad'vampire for two and a half weeks.me and riley went hunting every three days.i could feel power now and strengh that i never could of believed of.until riley creates more newborn vampires,my job was to make jasper drink human blood.
"come on jazz.just drink."
"no.and dont call me jazz,"
"you never use to have a problem with me calling you that."
"im surpried that you remember atual.only my friends can call me jazz and you are not my friend.isabella cullen is."
"i am isabella cullen.just new and improved."
"you mean evil and cruel."
i ran over to him and slammed his head against the wall.
"you will crack jasper."
"never,"
"shame.rile had great plans for us."i said ghosting out of the room.

over time i found that i was falling in love with riley.then one day i kissed him.that was when i truly felt the darkness.it was addictive.
i walked back into the room were jasper was."the cullens are here.just down the road.how is that possible?"
jasper smiled"i paid off the werewolf about two hours ago."i kicked him in the stomach."oh well at least now we dont have to go to them.saves a journey."
"dont you hurt them."
"no i wont jasper,we will.me you and riley,"
i grabbed the back of his shirt and towed him to the old theatre.i threw him onto the floor infront of me.his body was now too weak to run away from me.
"dont do this!its not to late to turn back.i ddi after years."jasper chocked.
"enough"the cullens are just outside.theyve all come.brilliant."riley is the army ready yet?"riley appeared besidde me.
"of course.37 trained newborns.they wont stand a chance,"

esme was the first one through the theatre door and i grabbed her round the neck.the others came in less than a second later.
"jasper!"alice shouted,spotting him sat against the wall behind riley.
jasper spoke"dont come near them.they have an army ready to destroy us."
i pushed esme down onto her knees.her was full of loss.loss of a child?i looked round the room at the rest of the cullens.they all had similiar expressions to her.
"what have you done riley?"carlisle asked in a calm voice,though his face potraid sadness and anger.


Battle for control
"simpily repaying victoria debt."
"what about bella?"alice asked.
"made her weak then gave her the temptation,"
"no riley."i said"you gave me the choice."
"hardly a choice,"jasper hissed.riley walked over to him.
"shame that you can no longer follow orders jasper because now i'll have to destroy you."
i let esme go and she ran to join the others."no."riley turned to look at me.i put my hand on his arm."i mean he could still be of some us to us."
"youre right.what would i do without you,"he said.riley kissed me once gently on the cheek and went back to face the cullens.i stayed where i was,looking a t jasper.was he right?is riley just using me?no riley wouldnt do that.he set me free.

"bella,"riley called.i ghosted to his side."im bored now.you can come and have your fun now guys."he shouted.the newborns came at the cullens from all sides.they fought back but against 37 newborn vampires they couldnt win.one by one each of the cullens got caught.the newborns were ordered not to kill them because riley wanted to do that himself.
"which one of you will die first?"riley said.
"that will be me."said carlisle.riley walked over to him but carlisles eyes never left my face.i couldnt let this happen.they didnt deserve to die.
"riley stop!this is unfair.i wont let you hurt them anymore then you already have."i was thrown against the back wall.scenery landed ontop of me making getting up slightly harder.when i managed to riley was stood over me.
"someone has to die.are you volunteering?"
i looked round the room at my family.alice was crouched on the floor with jasper and they were all ok.
"of course.but you will die with me."rileys features changed to horror as he realised what id meant."ill take my chances."
emmett flew through the air and knocked riley off his feet.he smiled at me and i got up.emmett seemed to enjoy destroying riley and so did i.hed been the problem for so long.made me almost kill my family.

i left emmett to finish off riley and went over to jasper.i put my hand out to help him up and he took it.
"im sorry jasper."
"ive done a lot worse and its jazz again."he smiled
"i think you should hunt,"i said to him
"you should to."
"no.im leaving."
"you cant!"alice shouted,holding my arm.
"ill give what we are away.alice dont you see i have to go.i dont belong with you anymore."
"yes you do."carlisle said
"i dont see how any of you can want me anymore.after everything ive done."
oddly rosalie replied"the cullens are a family bella and family stick together.if one of us slips up then we all help sort it out.plus your not the only ones whose killed."
"but i am the only one whose dangerous."no one answere then and i walked to the door.edward beat me there.
"bella please dont go.i need you."
"i have to edward,"his eyes locked mine
"please,"he whispered.
edward ghosted to my side and i pulled my arms around his neck.then i realised that this was the first time id held him in months so i crushed myself tighter to him.he stroked my hair.then i pulled away and he kissed me.

i turned around as i smelt it.everyone else turned round to but it didnt bother them.i hadnt noticed it before because i was busy.a boy was hiding in the cormer of the room.a huge cut streched from his elbow to his wrist.everyone eyes flickered between me and the boy.i held my breath but i opened my mouth to talk.
"carlisle go and help him."i whispered.now i had the boys scent in my mouth and it burned the back of my throat.i wished that edward would hold me back.i knew that he wouldnt let me harm the boy.but edward had walked to the back of the room.i had to control myself.my body shook with the effort to stay where i was and i finally understood what it had been like for jacob.suddenly alice was beside me.
"its okay bella."she murmured"you wont hurt him.
"how can you know.i havent decided that yet."
"im not using my sight bella.i know you.you wont,"i took her hand and with alice there it seemed to make it slightly easier,or me stronger.

we walked outside.the rain started to drip through the clouds.
i glowered at the sky.
"lets get you home."edward said.
alice walked over to me."you're not coming are you."
i shook my head."i need to find jacob.i have to know that hes alright.im not leaving forever.just until i find him."
"then im coming too,"whispered edward.
"so are jazz and me."alice added.
i just nodded my head."come on then."
"here comes another search party.alice laughed.


not finished yet
i will add more as i write it

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 04.09.2010

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Widmung:
to stephenie meyer for the great twilight books and my mum who has read everything that i have shoved under her nose