When had my life gotten so dark? I don’t know. All I know is that living in the dark is like beer for and alcoholic. Pure bliss. When I had first started dressing in black and wearing my eyeliner thick and heavy, my parents would not handle it. Tonight, though, they had finally had enough. I stormed out of my room after finding all of my black jeans and long sleeves shirts replaced with pink and white skirts and purple t-shirts. I screamed when I found all of it in a taped up box, along with my make-up and shoes. My mom came up me with an odd blank expression and a monotone voice.
“No more, Elizabeth.” She glared at me. “We’ve had enough. Your CD’s and clothes and all the shit you wear on your face is gone. The trash will pick it up tomorrow.”
I slapped her. I didn’t know what to do so I just slapped her across the face. She reeled back, holding her stinging cheek, and looked at me.
“Go to your room.”
I glared at her and stormed off to my room, not even bothering to throw a snide comment back at her. It had been weeks since we had actually spoken to each other. I was by the window when I heard the door open and close. Then I had an idea. Since we had an alarm system, I just couldn’t open my window at night. So I waited and watched them carry the box to the curb. Right when the door opened, I threw the window open and waited. But no one came up the stairs. No one shouted to me. I was ready. I started packing up thing that I needed. My journal. My small white wolf, Sam, who was the only comfort to me. My dead rose that was encased in glass. That was it. My backpack was still empty, and I was already scheming for what to take from the kitchen.
The lights went out around midnight and their door closed and locked. I rolled my eyes in disgust. Then I tip-toed into the kitchen and slid open the pantry doors quietly. When all was quiet I started grabbing the stuff that was always in the same places. A box of cereal. Small bags of chips. Apples. Oranges. I looked at the bananas and kept stuffing, aware that the bananas will get squashed. I was muttering the song Bring Me to life by Evanesance. After I couldn’t find anything else to take I looked at my pack again. It was still half empty. I went to the fridge and eased it open. After I had grabbed a pack of meat, four water bottles, and a pack of cheese, I closed the door and went to the bread. I took the brand new loaf of sourdough and the last two cinnamon buns. At last my pack was almost full. I stuffed the last of it with my mom’s bag of “emergency” M & M’s. There. I was ready.
I went up the stairs and to the game room window. Popping the screen out quietly was hard, but in the end I just busted through the screen. Already knowing I was going to get hurt, I slid down the roof and to the edge. It wasn’t that far down. I jumped and landed with my knees bent, so I fell backwards. But other than some bruises, I would be fine. I got up and started walking, away from that house, away from hell. I took the box and went to the backyard shed. After digging through the wall of junk, I put the box at the back and put other boxes on top of it. I wouldn’t be back for it. I closed the door and walked away.
A few hours later I found the woods with the mini cliff in the middle of them. I took out my knife and started into them, slicing down vines and stomping on bushes. After thirty minutes of endless walking and an encounter with a possum, I met the brook. And my mini cliff. I sat on the edge of it and started taking food out of my pack. They never gave me what I wanted. So I took what I wanted. And started to pig out. I ate as fast as I could, saving the sweet stuff for last. My stomach started to bloat, but I kept eating. I finally stopped. My stomach at its bursting point. I had eaten so much that it started to hurt. I dumped the scraps and leftovers down the edge and took out my rope. It was time. The moon was in the middle of the sky and it was a crescent. How fitting. I tied the knot the way our camp instructors told us to, in a noose, and I tied the other end of it on the tree by the edge. I pulled out my mirror and my black eyeliner, and started to draw around my eyes to make it look like I was crying. I slipped the noose around my neck slowly and tightened it. The edge didn’t look so scary now. Just… there. I stepped over it. As I did, a song ran through my mind. It was Possibility by Lyye Li. Everything after that felt like slow motion. I stepped from the edge and fell, but the fall was so long. And the song kept playing through my mind I felt the rope jerk tighten against my throat. My hands instinctively went up, and I felt the lump of Sam in my shirt pocket. I hung there, my legs kicking without me realizing it. I just sat there. And at some point I died. It wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. Just… slow. And quiet.
I was finally free.

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 09.10.2010

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