BookRix

Being a member of several critique groups and other sites like this one, I read a lot of stories. Though I always try to find the good in every story, the ones that really stand out for me are the ones where I can't wait to turn the page and see what's going to happen. I'm one of those who has to fight not to flip to the end and make sure everyone is going to be all right when I get caught up in a great book. About half way through this story I found myself getting antsy about what was going to happen. Good job with that.
Just a couple little suggestions for line edits:
Everyone's feelings for the word was different. (Since we are speaking of more than one person, perhaps were different rather than was different.)

"So," she smirked devilishly, "where are they?"
(Dialogue tags like he said or she said are a part of the dialogue. It tells us who is speaking or how when an adverb like devilishly is added. But she smirked is an action separate from dialogye. It can't be connected with a comma unless you also add a tag. Non writers will probably blow right over this and never catch it, but other writers and publishers might trip up.)

"So." She smirked devilishly. "Where are they?" or "So," she said, giving a devilish smirk, "where are they?"

Hope that makes sense. Feel free to drop in and ask questions if I didn't make myself clear. These are very minor issues and didn't take at all away my enjoyment of the story. I found the black background a bit distracting at first, but I adjusted fairly quickly. Thanks again.
Denna

Thanks to all of you for the praise! It's really very encouraging and inspiring! I appreciate it, truly!

^.^

That was a very emotional story for only 20 pages and I enjoyed every bit of it.
Zeros deep despare and that spark of hope, Leon became...and then that shining light at the end.
(I just hope I expressed everything right...well..everything I wanted to say anyway. Sorry if u couldn't understand what I meant... English isn't my first language... I'm german'^^)

That was a different twist on things. i enjoyed reading it and the black background as well. You have the talent!

Interesting read. There certainly was a depth of emotion and a sense of Zero's lack of control over himself. Nice feel good ending.

Good luck.

Very touching! Good job!

Aww! Thank you so much. I'm glad some of the emotion was able to penetrate the words.

very, very...the emotional range is deep and felt with such a minimum of words...a vote and a keep...Paula

when i read this story i could only think about sad stuff for a very long while. you've done it again very nice

This was very touching/sad at points. My only complaint is the font: it was so flowery that I believe it made it hard to read and took away from the flow of the prose.

Keep writing!