It was that day. Again. All the same people multiplied by three. And what did all this mean? It meant he had to hear that word…THAT WORD…again and again and again, ALL. DAY. LONG, without a single thing that he could do about it. Everyone’s feelings toward the word was different. This one loved it. That one couldn’t stand it. He was bored by it. She was embarrassed by it. What made it all so significant, though? Why was this word, THAT word? Simple. Because HE did NOT have it.
“Mom!”
“Dad!”
“Uncle-!”
“Aunt-!”
“Cousin-!”
“Bro!”
“Sis!”
All those damned words. All meaning the exact. Same. Thing. The one thing he did not have, and because he did not have it was outcast. Family. This supreme collection, this end-all-be-all of gatherings he lacked. The results? Social exile, miserable childhood, and a foreboding void of emptiness. He knew he was not the only one, he was just the only one everyone paid attention to.
This occasion was going to be the most destructive of them all as well. This was freshman year of college. All the parents had come to see their kids off and to feel a rejuvenation of ambition and pride, which they would then imbue to their young. However, such was not the case for him. Not for…not for…
“Hey, Zero!” called a dark-haired girl. “So,” she smirked devilishly, “where are they? How come your parents aren’t here to join you? Don’t they care? Don’t they love you?” She returned to her parents laughing a siren’s melody.
‘Bitch,’ he thought to himself. ‘I’d like to see how you’d fare.’ He looked around, the word, the name, the…answer-to, Zero…echoed around in his head reverberating with explosive force. A force that at the very least numbed him to the deeper agonies. They were everywhere, surrounding him, engulfing him, overwhelming him with a sense of loss and helplessness. ‘It’s not fair…and there’s not a damn thing I can do…’
He stormed off against the tides, thrashing, and forcing his way through the barriers of people. There was only one place he wanted to be. His dorm, a haven of serenity, solitude, and solace. His roommates may not necessarily have enjoyed the effect that his presence had on their “social status”, but he could truly care less. At least there it would be dark. There, he would be ignored, and could just drown his thoughts in the ocean of darkness.
A few minutes and a vicious walk later, he arrived at the door to his dorm. To his greatest misfortune, the families were still working like rampant, mindless beasts through the corridors of the wing. “Get. Out. Of. My. WAY!” he yelled shoving back against the wave that had just crashed into him.
“How rude!” exclaimed a lady far overdressed for the part.
“Little brat,” hissed the man accompanying her.
A garish glare was the only thing he received from the girl that they chaperoned.
Zero rolled his eyes as he barreled into his dormitory. ‘They don’t understand! None of them do! Not one of them even CARES to understand! Who the hell do they think they are to judge?!’ He slammed and locked the door, then flopped onto his bed. He had been right. This time was going to be the worst.
It was not that his own family was not there, it was the presence of others’ families, and those people’s actions. The looks of hate, of pity, of condescension. The words of remorse, of sorrow, of empathy. The touches of falsity, of phantasm, of deceit. It all made him sick with disgust…and a deeper illness of torturous loneliness.
It was this realization, the actualization of said pain that brought it all about, that initiated this fatal experience. He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it as shrilly and powerfully as he could. He screamed at the end of each previous one so that they all blurred into a symphony of shattering. Then came the soft sobs of a broken spirit. Whimpers from a boy who simply wanted to be looked at equally, who wanted to BE equal.
“Wh-why…why m-m-me…? How come…I d-don’t get a…a cha-ha-haaance?” He clutched his pillow and slumped into the bed. The pain was so encompassing it had desensitized him to the other presence that had entered the room. “It’s not fair…it’s not fair…it’s just not FAAAIIIRRR!”
Then, suddenly, the most unexpected thing, a soft…a soft touch on his shoulder. “Um…Zero…?” said a gentle voice. Male. But that was all he could identify. Zero froze. It was just another trick, another lie. This guy didn’t really care, he just wanted to increase his misery. He was NOT going to give him his sadistic pleasure.
“What the hell do you want?”
“I heard you crying. I came to make sure everything was okay.” Zero felt additional weight come onto the bed next to him. Then a hand moving in small circles on his back. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah! I’m just damned dandy! That’s why I’m here crying my fucking eyes out!” He whipped around to face this audacious intruder and was stunned at what he came to see. The boy’s eyes were tender, a slight expression of shock on his face. ‘Good. Just how he should look.’
“You think I don’t know what you’re up to? You’re really a dumb piece of crap! In case you haven’t realized only the people who don’t care call me Zero, and that just so happens to be everybody! So you can stand yourself up, and walk out of here right now. OR. I can kick you out the window. So which is it?”
The boy stared at him unblinkingly and unfazed, his eyes still shimmering with something unidentifiable. His body completely relaxed in the presence of this growing maelstrom. “You don’t want that. You don’t want me to go.”
These words threw Zero for such a loop he had no ability to respond. “Y…Yes, I do! Leave now!”
“I’m sorry for calling you Zero. I just heard others refer to you as that. I didn’t know it was an insult. Figured it was your nickname or something.”
“How fucking stupid do you think I am? Honestly. You think I would fall for as pathetic a trick as that?”
“Trick?” He blinked at Zero, a look of sincere confusion crossing his face.
‘Maybe…he really doesn’t know…Screw it. Once he found out from the others he’d just join them too.’ Zero glared daggers at this intruder, no this invader who had the blatancy to believe he could outsmart him after years of dealing with deceivers.
“Why do they call you Zero, then?” This question struck him, a look of all the feelings he truly felt washed over his entire body. He had been exposed. One question had brought down his entire façade of fury and charade of nonchalance. The boy’s eyes changed at the moment from tender and innocent to experienced and calculating.
‘Oh God, no.’ Tears of fear sprung to Zero’s eyes. ‘Oh God, he’s really going to hurt me.’ The boy inched closer his eyes delving into the darkest depths of his soul and conscience. Zero continued his retreat to the corner of his bed where he began whining softly. “Please…,” he whispered, “…please don’t make it hurt too bad.”
“I’m not going to harm you, I don’t attack the broken. Who or what hurt you?”
Zero’s eyes went wide at this comment. ‘He…he won’t…what…?’ His head began to feel light and the room moved like a cyclone, or was it him? Nothing made sense, everything was so rapid, there were tears…that boy…was pain-…that boy…was fe-…that boy…there was…that boy…darkness…
He collapsed into the boy’s lap. “Zero?! Oh crap! Are you okay?!” The boy glanced around desperately. ‘What do I do?! What do I do?! Um! Um! Check vitals!’ He rolled Zero onto his back and laid his hand over his heart. ‘Still beating.’ He then brought his ear over Zero’s mouth. ‘Still breathing.’ Last, he gently pressed his hand against Zero’s forehead and cheeks. ‘Cool. I guess he’s just fainted.’
He let out a sigh of relief. ‘Now to get help, but of course, I can’t because they’ll just think it was me.’ Another sigh, this one of exasperation. He looked at Zero, genuine anguish written on his face, then fell back and found himself propped on a pillow looking down at the unconscious sociopath.
‘That can’t be comfortable.’ He hooked his arms under Zero’s and lifted him to lay his limp head over his beating heart. Once he settled themselves, he unmindfully began to run his fingers through the fainted boy’s hair. In such, found himself lost in his own flurry of thoughts.

A Little Over An Hour Later…

The boy had finally dozed off, but then he felt movement on top of his chest. He opened his eyes to find Zero stirring with a very lost expression on his face.
“Welcome back.”
“Un…Hunh? Wha- happened?” He tried to sit up and found the room to turn into a whirlwind that brought on excruciating nausea. Instead, he just let his head lay back against the boy’s chest and listened to the rhythmic thud-dum-bump of his heart.
“You fainted. It looked like you had a nervous breakdown.”
“Ugh…Feels like it too…Everything is spinning…really, really fast,” Zero groaned.
“Close your eyes and focus on something.” So Zero did. He closed his eyes and focused on the heartbeat sounding softly in his head, and soon found himself breathing in time with it.
“Why did I have a nervous breakdown?”
“I asked why they called you Zero. It seems like you didn’t know how to handle that question.”
Zero sighed softly. “I still don’t. Why did you stay?”
“I couldn’t just leave you here. It would have been wrong.” His heart sped up a little bit at his answer.
Zero smirked. “You’re not telling the truth.”
“Wha-what?!”
“Your heart.”
The boy growled softly. “It’s true, just not all of the truth.”
“What’s the rest?” Zero asked, curiosity absorbing his thoughts.
“Haha…um…” A faint blush crossed his face.
“Hm?” Zero looked up at his protector, and noted the red tint. “Why are you blushing?”
“…’Cause…you’re…kinda…cute…” he spoke with visible shyness.
“What?!”
“I’m not saying it again!”
“Whatever…” A slight rose coloring his own cheeks. ‘Wow. Just, wow.’
“So you still haven’t answered my question. Why DO they call you Zero?”
“Because. I have no family. No friends. No thing. Zero attachments, hence Zero.”
“How come?”
‘Does he really care to know!’ A slight shock spread through him, and manifested in a tightening in his chest. “Well, that’s a story I haven’t told to someone else in years…”
“Indulge me.”
A deep breath. “Okay. Well…my parents were the victims of a really bad robbery. These guys broke into our house, and were just utterly cruel. They grabbed me and my dad and forced my mom into the room and…they made us watch horrible things…” He clutched the boy’s shirt, and felt fingers run through his hair. ‘WOW-er.’
Another deep breath. “Then they killed her slowly, same for my father. A slow, unending death. They did it all in front of me. They threw my sister un-“ He bit his lip to force back a scream. Again the fingers through his hair.
One more deep breath. “I didn’t know how to cope. The rest of my family couldn’t care for me. They tried for a while, but I ended up doing…some things, and they disowned me. Well, my story got out, and everyone treated me like a leper.” The hand moved down to rubbing his back.
A shudder. “It was always did you hear what happened to him? Yeah! Did you hear what HE did to handle it? Then a bunch of giggling. Then there were names…Whore, Orphan, Bitch, Bastard, Void…then there was Zero. This one hurt most. It came from the one person I fell in love with. We got really close, and then out of nowhere…Zero.” Rubbing again.
He cringed. “After that, it just spread around like a disease. Everyone called me Zero. And they ALL knew what it meant…” That was it. That was his story. Zero’s story. It hurt so much to say it all, more than he could ever imagined. He buried his face in the boy’s chest and began to cry as hard as he could. The boy simply responded by rubbing his back and stroking his hair.
“Sorry,” Zero said, as he sat back a few minutes later. He wiped his eyes. “Wow…I really soaked your shirt.”
“Huh? Oh, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Feel better?”
“Yeah. Lots actually. Thanks. Hey, where’s your family?”
“I have them, but I don’t. I mean they’re alive, somewhere. But I don’t care for them, and they don’t care for me. Never did. When I left, I left for good. Pretty much raised myself…” A look of loneliness crossed his face.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. I’m used to not having family. I imagine it was harder for you having them and then losing them.”
“Not as bad as being taunted by their physical presence without the emotional one.”
“Eh, who knows?” They both just sat there, silent, warm, safe in their moment of haven. The terror of years temporarily lifted, a long-lasting wound tended for a while, a void filled just ever-so-slightly.
“I have an idea!” they both cried at the same time!
“You first,” said Zero.
“Why don’t…we be family?”
“Huh? Explain.”
“I mean, be like…you know, brothers?”
‘A brother? He never had a sibling even as a child. This was new. A new brother…a new family…’ Fear crossed his face.
The boy’s face reflected his fear, though not for the same reasons. ‘But could I stand that? Being brothers with a person I just fell smack down on my face for? I guess I gotta try now.’
“Y…Yeah…”
“What?”
“Let’s do it! Brothers, I mean!”
“Really?”
“Yeah! I’ve never had a sibling, and it would be nice to have a family again.”
“It really would.”
“Brothers then?” asked Zero.
“Brothers!” exclaimed the boy. They hugged each other tight, and rested in each other’s arms, enjoying the unusual warmth of love. ‘Maybe…maybe something more one day…’ They sat back after a minute of holding.
“So, what exactly is your name?” Zero asked. “You haven’t told me yet.”
“Leon.”
“Leon…Brother Leon…”
“Haha! Don’t make me sound a priest now! They would never accept me!”
“Oh? Would it have something to do with that cute comment earlier?”
“Uh…Well, you are.”
“That doesn’t answer the question!”
“Okay. Well the truth is…I’m gay!” Leon said a blush lighting his face. Zero face contorted with the force of the internal struggle going on him. Sadly, he failed as he burst out laughing and fell back on to the bed in tears of joy.
“Hey! Shut up! It’s not funny, okay?”
“I’m…I’m sorry! It just…caught me off guard.” He continued snickering for a minute or so, the only response he received being a mildly agitated glare. “Don’t worry. I’m bi.”
Now it was Leon’s turn to bust out laughing. “WOW! Now I really feel like a moron. I hope we didn’t make a bad decision with this.”
“Ah, who cares? We’re here and happy, right?”
“Right.” Leon looked out the window at the sky. “Wow, it’s already night out there. We talked a lot longer than I thought.”
“You should go before the other dormies come back and a fight ensues.”
“I am your roommate.” Zero’s eyes widened at this, and he felt his spirits soar. Finally, his repayment for all the years of Hell. “We should probably get to sleep, Zero.”
“It’s Mark.”
“I think Zero sounds better. We’ll turn that curse into a blessing.”
Mark smiled. “Alright.” He laid down next to Leon on the bed, as he turned off the lights.
“Goodnight, Leon.”
“Goodnight, Brother.”
“...Brother…”

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Texte: All rights reserved. Any production without consent of the author will result in legal pursuits.
Tag der Veröffentlichung: 20.01.2010

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Widmung:
To all those who know the pain of having families who aren't there. To those who know what it is like to find a love in the last person you would ever expect. To those still seeking peace and happiness.