BookRix

I loved your book! Awesome indite!! Just remember to start your sentences with Capital letters.

This book is really good, so far the plot is good too :) There are a few grammatical mistakes but that can be sorted pretty easilly. Loved it x

I think your book is coming along pretty nicely :D
I haven't finished it yet, but so far so good. There are a few grammatical mistakes, which is totally understandable (I am by no means a grammar expert). What I learned, what helped me a lot, is to read the sentences out loud. It helps you pick out the errors much easier.
Anyways, keep writing! :D

Very nice.

This is a very sweet and realistic love story that has a lot of potential for a number of reasons - you address issues most people don't want to talk about, your dialogues are very real, and you have some excellent metaphors that make the prose live.

I hope you don't mind, but I'd like to make a few very important suggestions: First, please divide the story into paragraphs. It gets rather confusing when there are none, because everything runs together, and the reader isn't sure where one thing concludes and another begins. You also switched from past to present, and tenses should remain constant throughout, again, to avoid confusion.

Second - a lot of new writers like switching point of view from one chapter to the next, and I understand why this is done. However, it makes the story very choppy and interrupts your characters' trains of thought too frequently. Perhaps try writing the whole thing in the third-person. That way, you can show both points of view within the same chapter, or express one person's POV while indicating the other one's by his or her actions and dialogue.

And third - if you haven't already, be sure to put this into a Word document first so you can use the spell/grammar check (I use it all the time, lol) and it will keep your manuscript safe - you wouldn't want to lose the whole thing if something happened to the site. Other writers here have made the mistake of typing directly into the dialogue box and have lost their work when there was a blackout or glitch on the site.

I'd really like to see you finish this, because despite the mistakes that are common to all new writers, you have a good, solid story here. With some easy edits, you can remedy the things I mentioned, and end up with something truly special.

Anyway - good work! Let me know when you've done some more! 'D

hey so for you guys that do read my book do you mind commenting what you think about it? and thanks for taking the time to at least view it