Inhalt

We met

Chapter 1: we met (Anna-bell)

. We met at the fairgrounds my friends took me there to help me not feel so sad for a bit since my father had passed not too long ago.

“Come on you need to get out for a little, get you mind off things, you’re not gonna be able to do that sittin’ in this house moping around.” Said Mia my best friend, I’ve known her since the 3rd grade and since then we have been stuck together. Mia reminds me of a fairy with her crazy colored hair which for the moment is a hot pink, she stands a barely five feet and is just a ball of energy.

I feel annoyed with myself for being so damn sad and gloomy. “Yeah I mean come on just one night and if you don’t feel even a little better then we won’t force you out again.” Badgered grace my second closest friend, only making me feel worse. “Okay.” I finally give in, and so I walk up the stairs slow as possible grace skipping with excitement in front of me. Oh how I love her and her personality, her wild red hair like flames in wisp in front of her face that only highlights her fair skin and freckles, her deep blue eyes flaked with a purple/violet.

We proceed into my room, pink engulfing us… ha what an unfit color for how I feel now; it is so painful to be in here to remember the happiness, so painful in fact I don’t even sleep there anymore. I change quickly as possible; I just need to get out of this room NOW.

After the quickest change of my life I walk towards the exit of the room stiffly, trying hard not to run. Mia notices something’s wrong but like the magic I know she is she doesn’t need to ask, she knows and whispers in my ear “It’ll be okay let’s just go.” And as Grace goes to sit on my bed Mia says “Let’s get out of here the fair closes at eleven, you know.” And for that I am grateful no need to linger in that room that spits at me with its happiness.

we leave in Grace’s BMW her father bought her for her 16th birthday not too long ago….father the word almost makes me cry, being in this car almost makes me cry thinking my father won’t have the chance to buy me a car or even wish me happy birth day. I mean my mom will but that’s just not the same and it will be even worse because my mom is like a zombie that only comes out of the room to use the bathroom, I don’t want a zombie mom telling me happy birth day, after she decides to wake. I shake my head and try to concentrate on something else, so I look out the car window (a beautiful scene that I would notice if I weren’t so grief stricken) and immediately decide it was a bad idea, looking out it seemed like every single person there, was happy and laughing with their families’ they got that and what did I get, I got me, myself, and I.

just as we stop at a red light, my eyelids brimming with pools of tears about to flood over, I notice a girl about my age sitting at the corner of a building staring out into oblivion with her glassy, gazed blue eyes, looking as if though in another universe completely. I gawk at her long as possible before the light turns green and we drive away, forever leaving this girl that I am so intrigued by. As I look I notice that she has bags under those perfectly blue seas for eyes. Also I notice her clothes are torn and worn out and that she is so skinny her hip bones protrude from where her jeans land at the middle of her hips, I want to be that skinny, her face takes on the look of a little girl but weirdly at the same time it is aged, maybe because it is sullen and sunk beautiful i think to myself.

Green light, the world moves again into that never ending line of happiness and smiles that time stopping moment has passed now it is only a mask of happy, joyful faces to be forgotten soon after they are saw, not one of the faces stick in my memory except for hers.

Finally after what seemed like hours we get to the fair; I look at my phone it lights and the screen says its 9:06, oh great we have three whole hours to wander around a fair that is already familiar to us because we have gone here since we were ten. Realization hits me like a slap in the face I am going to be going on the same rides I have known my entire life for three hours, for three whole hours I will have to endure looking at merry faces pass by me oblivious to the problems of the world around them, OBLIVIOUS to how much money they will waste for nothing except kiddy rides and impossible to win fair games digging themselves into a hole of debt if they are already at that fine line. We get in paying 10 dollar at the door EACH. We walk passed the side show attractions like the world’s smallest person, and the lady with the beard. As we walk passed the last of the attractions, a man that can supposedly breath under water, Mia sings out “I’m hungry, wanna get a bite to eat?” followed almost immediately by grace saying “yeah I’m up for it.” And so we walk to the food stand, neon pinks yellows and greens screaming out words like Georgia’s best hot dogs and kettle popcorn. Eventually we stop at a small stand and grace buys cotton candy and a Coca-Cola, while Mia gets a sprite and disgusting candy called Twisler, while I stay simple with water (cal. 0).

I start to wander a little because something catches my eye it’s a fair game where you try and throw gulf balls into fish bowls then funny enough if you get at least one in you win a fish that will most likely die the next day. I snap back into reality when someone bumps into me causing me to fall and spill my water. I’m about ready to scream at whomever it is pushed me, then I hear the gentlest, kindest voice “I’m so sorry, are you okay… I really didn’t mean to; I didn’t see you” I look up and feel as if all the air has disappeared from me and there is no more in sight, man those eyes; those sensitive green eyes with gold flakes shine down at me “I….I…I’m fine, uh sorry for being in the way.” That was all I could manage. He reaches a hand out and for a minute I only stare then I take it, pull yourself together don’t act like a total moron! I think to myself.

I suddenly go from being on the ground to my feet in a matter of milliseconds, I look into his face, its perfect from his chiseled jaw to his deep brown hair “hey…” he says its meet by silence till I figure out that it was directed towards me “oh ummm… hi” dumb I think, that’s all I can think “uh do you need me to get you some napkins or..something.” this time I answer before the silence strains “yeah, please, uh thanks.” Then he was off to find napkins, I found that the space around me didn’t shine like it did a minute ago but I knew it was only momentarily.

About two minutes later he came back napkins in hand (those perfect, soft, but strong hands.) “Here you go.” He said with one of those wary half smiles that made my stomach flutter and my heart pound. What do I do, what do I do?Reach out and take the napkins you idiot! Eventually I snap back from the daydream I was having and take the napkins, Dabbing at my shirt I say “Thank you.” “No problem, I mean it is the least I can do since I did cause the spill in the first place.”he replies almost immediately, He flashes a breath taking smile “Again I’m really sorry.” He says

“Oh yeah its fine, I mean thank god I got water, so it doesn’t stain I mean.” I say. Our eyes meet and its instant magic “So umm…” he mumbles putting a hand on the back of his head “Can I buy you a drink, I did spill yours so it’s only fair.” Our eye contact breaks “Umm sure if you want to, I mean yeah, ok.”

I look back at my friends like an excited puppy dog about to go for a walk. “I’ll be right back, okay?” Mia waves a hand at me and Grace says “Take as long as you want.” And winks at me, and with that me and him are off.

(Me Anna-bell Marie Lavet walking around the fair with the cutest guy I’ve meet so far, but man what bad timing.) I think to myself, drawing a bitter sweet smile from me, wow this feels weird; it’s been a while since I’ve last smiled.

we walk to a new stand, a bigger one. “Yes may I help you?” A woman says in utter boredom. “Umm yeah can I get some water?” I sputter as fast as I can, feeling slightly scared because this woman is kinda intimidating. He stares at me in utter disbelief “Are you serious, that’s all…really, I mean come on, I’m paying.” He looks at the lady “And a large cotton candy please.” She basically slams the water down and says “$4.51 cash, debit or credit.” He replies “Cash.” And hands her a ten, the woman groans then proceeds to say “Your change is $5.49.” she hands him that and just kinda goes back in to her mind somewhere.

We walk away, and then he says “Man, for that I woulda just went to another stand.” I respond “Yeah that was really uncalled for.” He hands me my water and our hands meet, lingering for a second, I felt as if my brain would explode at any minute “thanks.” I say “Oh yeah, no problem.” He answered “Here have some, it’s really good.”

He nudges the cotton candy towards me “Oh no thanks, I’m really not hungry.” He edges it towards me “Come on just a little.” He begs

“Oh okay.” How could I say no I the first place it’ll give me more time with him…..idiot, and so I take some and we walk around some more then after what feels like hours of dead silence he finally speaks “so umm.. How old are you?” I reply “I’m 15.” Pause of silence “Oh, cool I’m 16” I say “Yeah that is pretty cool.”

I don’t know why but I feel like I have to agree with him, I don’t know maybe I’m trying to provoke the conversation further but I guess it worked because he then says “yeah, so I really liked talking to you today and I really don’t want to leave but the fair closes in like 30 minutes, But I would like more than anything to do this again; Well minus the beginning when I spilled your drink.”

I try not to show the excitement that sends my brain into a frenzy of thoughts and rainbows, I think to myself wow this is really happening, he is really the one telling me that he enjoyed this day… wait he is too cute what if he has a girlfriend… what if he thinks I’m some type of anytime girl on the side…even worse what if his NOT into me and only wants to be friends, what an idiot I would look like if that’s the case!!! Pull yourself together… Stop acting like a total luneytoon god your acting like a ten year old. Now listen close reply to what he just said then if he doesn’t ask for your number ask for his, Take the pen you have out of your purse, Then ask him to write his number on your hand or if he asked first write your number on his hand. Is that easy enough for you?

“Yeah, totally, same here I have to admit it was pretty fun and maybe next time we can talk more.” His responds in a raspy-ish voice that is absolute heaven to me “So umm can I get your number, if that’s okay.” For a moment I just look, while looking I notice that he has a beauty mark right above his lip on the left side, while I am barren of beauty marks and only have one birth mark on my shoulder in the shape of a disfigured heart.

This all happens in a second or so because he doesn’t even notice the pause. “Oh umm yeah, Let me get my pen out my purse.” I go rummaging through my purse then after a couple of awkward, shuffling moments I find it. He puts out his hand and I continue to write my number (5)-97-7654, once I’m done I let go of his hand and he takes it away (not in an aggressive way) “Thanks I’ll call you tomorrow.” He almost whispers, he looks down at the palm of his hand and this is what he sees my number followed by my name Anna-bell “Anna-bell…” this time he actually does whisper.

“I like it, its classy.” Now he speaks up “By the way my name is Anthony.” I think Anthony, sophisticated, Latin maybe? “I like your name too.” I say, I feel redness travel from my neck to my cheeks, I quickly turn away to hide the fact that I’m blushing.

Next thing I know I feel a warmness on my cheek before I can figure it out for myself he turns my face towards his, finally I figure it out it’s his hand on my face his left one to be exact, he says “hey why so shy.” With a smile, his eyes glittering, I process it all at an incredibly slow speed.

All I can manage is a wary smile, and all of a sudden he and I are leaning in, the kiss is soft at first our lips’ barely touching then it gets more passionate, needier.

After what feels like a whole minute we break apart, heart throbbing and brain happily dizzy like an old man with a bottle of whiskey. “Wow” I whisper, then shockingly enough followed by him saying “yeah, that, that was something.”

Then when the world has finally started to feel less like a dream and more like, well, reality he finally mumbles “well I’ll, I’ll call you tomorrow.” I still kinda dizzy with happiness, something I have spent to long without, giggle “yeah, ok I’ll be waiting.”

He starts to walk away then turns back and says “Damn you’re adorable.”

I think then say “thanks.” with that he waves good-bye I wave back. I wait a couple minutes he’s gone now; I get my phone, turn on the screen then enter the pass word and dial grace. “Hello?” grace speaks into the phone “yeah.” I say, I hear a sigh over the phone “Man, you’re okay we were starting to think lover boy kidnapped you, where have you been?” I respond with a laugh “I was walking around with him for a bit, where are you I’ll tell you the rest when we meet up.” She then says “what did lover boy do, hey…” “Yeah?” “Whatever he did I’m happy you needed it, you deserved it.” I reply “Yeah me too, so where are you?” she says “by the motorcyclist, he just finished, we’ll wait for you here.” I then say “thanks.” She then replies “Yup.” And that’s the end of it I press the end button and make my way towards where they are, happy and hopeful.

I’m almost there when a kid stops me to ask for a dollar and so I give him one. He was just too adorable with those big brown eyes and curly black hair.

I proceed finally I’m about 20 feet away from them, I also see them before they see me and I guess I’m not the only one that met someone today, as Mia is from this far looks as if though she is getting a number too. I stride over when the man leaves, grace notices me about ten feet away, her blue eyes clearer than usual, she waves me over “ANNA, get your butt over here and spill the beans!” so I jog to her nearly tripping over a pebble.

I make it to her just as the loud speakers that are screwed on to the pole blare “The fair closes in ten minutes, please go on you last ride then please leave so we can close for tonight.”

Mia looks at both of us starry eyed and says “Let’s get going.” And so we walk towards the exit when grace starts pestering “So…lover boy…spill it!” I finally give in “Okay, we went and bought me a new drink like he said.” I pause for suspense “Then we walked a little and…” Grace almost screams “And….” “And then we kissed and I give him my number, he said he would call me tomorrow.” I smile humble and shy.

Thinking about her

Chapter 2: Thinking about her (Anthony)

Man that girl I can’t shake the feeling that she is probably one of the most if not, the most beautiful girls I ever met. Even though she was drippin’ wet in ice cubes and water making dirt stick to her cloths, even though she was awkward and well a bit spacey, I liked it I think while playing Black Ops 2 with my friend Chad mission failed now decorates the screen of the T.V “What is up with you today, Anthony, you can’t step two feet in to the battle field without dying.” Chad yells throwing the remote controller then quickly rushes to its side to make sure It didn’t break since it is a two hundred dollar remote because it was customized with air pads so people don’t get blisters. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just so hard to concentrate when I really wanna call the girl but don’t wanna look like some kinda freak.” Chad sighs deeply as if though he has just heard the stupidest thing in the world “Dude she was into you at the fair if you don’t call her today the chick is gonna think your some jerk with a super ego which is totally not you, you know I thought you would be the type thought, to think they can have whatever whenever but by some miracle you’re not a douche. I mean you do have the looks for it like not trying to be all weird on you but like you could totally take on that role. I was in shock when I found out you actually know how to treat people.” Chad was right I would seem like a douche not what I want her to think definitely not. And so I dial “hello?” her voice just as beautiful on the phone as in person “hey its Anthony the guy you met at the fair.” I say barely managing not to stutter. “Oh, hey, how are you.” She speaks in an angelic voice my heart almost gives out right there (I was never the type to play with a girls emotions because I know how it feels to be played with like a toy). I resurface from my thoughts “I’m good, great actually now that I’m talking to you.” Her giggles at the remark make me laugh a little. “Same here.” I can almost feel her smiling which makes me a million times happier than I was just two minutes ago. “So umm, hey are you doing something this weekend?” I feel myself blush so bad that I bet I’m rosy red. Chad walks up to me and mouths “Dude pep talk time, chill out,” he does a thumbs up to make sure I’m getting this, I wave him off, now he knows I know what he said “you gotta be like Fabio or something, smooth talk, the ladies love that.” Again I give him a wave to leave me he replies by pretending to gag and then saying “Okay don’t listen to me but when you figure out I’m right I’ll be waiting for that apology.” Then leaves the room she finishes saying that she doesn’t have plans. “Oh cool, um great..” I stumble and fall over my own words like a fat chick trying to jump hurtles, god I never had this problem before what wrong with me? “Do you maybe…, I don’t know wanna catch a movie sometime?” a thin layer of sweat sticks to my palm; I wipe it on my blue jeans. You can hear her voice perk up a notch or two “Yeah defiantly.” When she says that it feels like I can breathe again even though I hadn’t noticed I had stopped in the first place. “Okay then I’ll call you later I guess.” I say eyes glazed and mind far way in a cloud of happiness “that sounds great.” Her voice grips me with iron fist of beauty and musicality. I hang up the phone. I let my body drop a ton of bricks hitting the bed and I drift in and out of consciousness, going back and forth from my happy imagination and reality.

Troubles

Chapter 3: troubles (Anna-bell)

I look myself in the mirror. Normal people look like this, normal people weight 126 pounds at 15, normal people’s ribs don’t make a clear outline on their skin. I take a deep breath and finish fixing my hair in the mirror. The first time they threw me into the hell hole that is Rosewood Ranch for the first time I was a constant “hassle” or so the nurses said, I thought I was just expressing how I feel I mean what normal person wants to be stuck with tubes and feed a 2,500 calorie diet (more than I would eat in a week.) pudgy, fat little girl it’s not their fault your fat, you let them shove food in your disgusting little mouth every day. Why? Because you gave up on all hope being truly skinny the right side of my mind tells me, I stare myself in the mirror calm down the left side of my brain quills you must eat food is life, you want life right? The truth was I did want life but I also wanted to be the skinniest girl in the world. Impossible.I shake my head side to side trying to remove all negative thoughts, once I’m dizzy from all the movement I stop. I finish my hair and move on to make-up. Wait till dad sees me his jaw will dro…. Oh wait he’s dead. God, why did I have to think that because now I feel tears bunching up in my throat and my cheeks turning red. I dab at my eyes willing myself not to cry. I hear the doorbell ring, ringing its soft, bland notes. I put on the rest of my eye shadow, check for any sighs of crying and sprint down the stairs like a crazy person. I skid down the hall then stop a couple of feet from the door, compose myself and catch my breath then open the door. “Hi.” I whisper, he looks me up and down star struck “Wow,” he says “You are gorgeous!” I blush turning scarlet red. “Thanks…” I mumble, he kisses me softly on the lips making the hairs on the back on my neck rise and goose bumps form on my bare, sleeveless arms. He leads me into his car, a Dodge challenger; he opens the passenger door “Here you go, madam.” He says playful, I stifle a laugh and play along “Thank you, sir.” And with that I enter the car. He put on his seatbelt smiles and says “Safety first,” he brushes my cheek with his forefinger “Wouldn’t want anything to happen to that pretty lil face of yours.” I turn my head to face the window to hide the fact that I am blushing, I put on my seatbelt and we drive away from the house that caused my insanity in the first place. I pretend to look outside so that when he is not looking so I can sneak looks at him. “Hey, so you like Italian food right?” he says suddenly, catching me off guard “Umm..yeah I do.” I say. “Good cause then this date would have been a total disaster if you didn’t.” he smiles at me his teeth egg shell white. I think back to when my father had come home from the dentist after getting his teeth whitened they were the shade of clouds on a sunny day, personally I liked it but my father absolutely hated it screaming in outrage to my mother “I have teeth whiter than the light of god’s kingdom god damn it, damn it all to hell, how I’m I suppose to go to work like this?” “I think it looks good daddy.” I say, I was only 7 then “Oh sweetie hi I’m sorry I was yelling but I really don’t like the look.” He picks me up and twirls me in his arms playfully, I giggle “You really like it?” he ask, I nod “Well then I guess there never was a problem because you’re the most beautiful in the house so you should know.” I laugh “thank you daddy.” He looks me in the eyes all serious “You’re welcome sweet heart.” And with that I went off somewhere play. Back to the present and I’m crying quietly I don’t think that Anthony has noticed yet so I grab my purse andturn to the window, take out the compact mirror I have with some wipes and reapply my eyeliner and mascara. We finally pull up to a nice looking Italian bistro called La PietraCucina at around 7:00. I think to myself fancy, I bet it cost a lot though I best stick with the least expensive thing. As we walk in the smell of food body slams me making me double over. I need to eat all that delicious food til I explode. No you don’t you fat pig now when you sit down your order will be salad and tuna nothing more my brain snaps at me. “Hello table for two,” Anthony says “reservation Capriello.” Capriello, Anna-bell Marie Capriello, I like it I run the name though my mind over and over again I like the ring to it. “Oh, yes right this way sir.” The man in a tux says. We sit at a table next to the window this is the first time I have been able to advert my eyes from his face to note what he is wearing, A navy blue button down and light blue boot cut pants with black dress shoes. I look at myself, I think I did a good enough job of preparing for the date with a pale coral pink dress with a sweet heart neck line and a nice loose bodice, topped off with champagne colored sequence high heels. I lock eyes with him and say “This is a really nice place.” He replies “Oh this, it’s nothing I just thought you would like it.” “I do I really do.” he wipes his hand on the back of his forehead and says “Whoo, thank god, now I know everything is okay.” I laugh, the waitress come to the table to much make up if you ask me “May I take you order?” “Yes.” Anthony says “I would like the Risotto with lobster.” Then the waitress turns to me “I would like some salad with tuna no dressing please.” “And to drink?” Anthony then answers “Iced tea, please.” I add “water, please.”

Fake faces and breakdowns

Chapter 4: fake faces and breakdowns (Anthony)

Why is it that this beautiful girl is so shy always, she only lets me see things that aren’t fake every once in a while, like her smile when she is laughing, but then quickly corrects it putting on this plastic mask of hers once more. I try to strike up conversation once more “how’s the salad?” “Really good.” She smiles this Barbie doll smile of hers. She looks down at her plate and frowns, I don’t know what she is frowning at there is nothing on her plate, she excuses herself abruptly “I will be right back, Okay.” “Okay.” I answer, Ten to fifteen minute have passed until she comes back “Sorry.” She says looking a bit pale “Oh, yeah its fine.” I say because I don’t know what else to say. I smile at her, captivated by the way her blue eyes sparkle in the low lighting. I pull out the boutique of roses I had gotten from the back of the car when she had left “these are for you.” I say, she smiles ear to ear making me pleased with the color selection of roses I chose, a pale pink. “Thank you.” she says looking like she is about to cry making me worry “What’s wrong?” I ask and like that she snaps, face crumbling like a five year olds when they are about to cry. I almost leap across the table not able to reach her fast enough, not able to sooth her, to hold her in my arms, to tell her everything is okay even though I don’t know what is happening. “I’m sorry; it’s okay now, shh.”

Confessions

Chapter 5: Confessions (Anna-bell)

I cry and cry and cry, god I must look like an idiot mumbling on and on about my dad I bet he can’t even understand what I’m saying still he nods and hugs me, attempting to comfort me. When I can finally manage to catch my breath and tell him about my father his eyes go sympathetic and sad making me lose it again. “It’s okay, I’m sorry about your loss I had no idea…” he trails away fixing his eyes on the road, we had to go early because my dumb self wouldn’t stop crying “it’s fine how could you have known if I had never told you?” I say looking out the window feeling hurt that the first date I had really ever wanted went down the trash because of me. We stop at a red light I feel weird being here in front of this red light then it hits me. This is where I saw the beautiful homeless girl. I get shivers, little volts of lightning going from my spine to my fingertips, where is she I wonder if she’s dead or was this corner just a place for her to rest before going back home never mind she had no home except the stars and the clouds. We finally make it to my house; he walks me up the steps leading to my home. “Thanks and sorry again we couldn’t enjoy the restaurant like I had wanted to.” I say, he turns my face towards him gently kissing me on the cheek then saying “No worries, there’s always next time.” He holds my gaze with his ever so sensitive green eyes I swear that if the kindness ever left his eyes he would look totally different. He leans in the least bit possible, a move so subdued that it could have been him just breathing I kiss him anyway, this time unlike the others this one makes me tingle and makes the butterflies in my stomach disappear not become more noticeable, it makes the world tilt and slip from beneath our feet sending us into a parallel universe in itself. We finally stop, I hold on to the door knob, I don’t trust my knees to support my weight right now because they feel as if they are about to buckle underneath me. “I’ll talk to you later.” I say smiling like crazy. “Yeah, okay umm I had a good time; I’ll see you later I guess.” He blabbers on and on and it’s adorable, he kisses me gently one last time before leaving. I go into the house, empty and quiet like usual. I walk into the living room nothing has changed, everything in its place, my blanket and pillow next to the sofa on the floor. I pick up the blanket and wrap myself in it letting it swallow me whole. I dig my arm up from the mound of fabric and reach for the remote. I watch TV till I am bored once more, my good mood quickly fading because of this house. I flicker from channel to channel until I just settle with LAW AND ORDER: SVU. This episode is about a little seven year old girl that was murdered in front of her 5 year old brother. God, what is wrong with people now and days, killing little girls, scarring pure little children. I wonder why people are so vicious and sinister. I tear up, thinking about how my dad passed. “Hey sweet heart I’ll be home in time for dinner” he said “okay I missed you, I’m glad your back from your business trip.” I say happiness gushing inside me “okay honey I got to go I’m about to start driving,” he urges “I love you, see you soon.” “Love you to dad bye.” He never would make it back home, he never would see me soon because only 5 to 10 minutes after hanging up someone crashes in to him, the person is drunk off his ass and only gets a couple of bruises while my dad being sober for almost 16 year takes the toll and dies. Silent tears roll down my cheeks, mini little warm streams running in tandem down the side of a mountain. I wipe the tear and stand shutting off the television; I leave to my room taking the stairs two at a time. BAD idea my brain screams as I open the door the room is decorated with pink and there are teddy bears everywhere most of them my dad gave to me. I walk into the room and go to the closet ever since dad died I moved most of my stuff downstairs so I wouldn’t have to come into the once happy sanctuary every day, I open the closet door and reach for the shoebox. I run out of the room and back into the living room not being able to stand being there one second more. I open the shoebox, inside is pictures of everything, everyone. I pull out one from where dad, mom and I went to panama for the summer. Sucks instead of having fun you’re stuck here mourning your dad my brain says to me. There is only a couple weeks left until school starts and I have to walk through the halls once more this time I will be a junior, I started school early so I’m usually youngest in my classes. I call Anthony looking for a distraction and man is that what I got, I asked him if he could pick me up told him that I didn’t want to be in the house at that moment and he said that he would be here in like fifteen or twenty minutes. I go to the hallway where there is a mirror and rub away all the make-up with wipes I don’t reapply any I don’t feel the need to. I then go to the closet (also in the hallway) and take out some more comfortable clothes. I then take my blanket outside and wait. He shows up in the time frame he told me he would and walks up the porch stairs to meet me. I put the blanket on the rocking chair then make sure I have a key and lock the door. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I pull closer into him. I get in the car and then we are off I don’t know we’re we are going and he probably doesn’t either he takes one hand off the wheel and holds my delicate more frail hand in it. He stops at a gas station “I need to fill up the car it won’t take long.” “Okay.” I whisper, I lay my head back and close my eyes focusing on the good. He gets back in the car and pulls off; I don’t question where we are going because I really don’t care I just don’t want to go home. He parks in front of a house not bad looking at all. He gets out of the car and I follow closely behind. He opens the door to a rather expensive looking house I would have never guessed he lived here I would have thought that frat boy party house was more of his style. We walk up the stairs and though a hallway to a room I am guessing is he’s, he lies on the bed getting quite comfortable and pats the space next to him suggesting I do the same. I am too tired to be suspicious so lay down too probably messing up my curls. I face him and tuck my face into the crook of his shoulder and he wraps his hand around my waist, we stay like this for a long time, unmoving until someone walks into the room. “Whoa dude sorry I should have knocked.” To that Anthony laughs and says “get out of here.” And so whomever that random person was closes the door again “Sorry about that, that was Chad my roommate somehow he finds the perfect time to kill the mood.”

Together

Chapter 6: Together (Anthony)

Holding her close is magic

I feel her breathing slowly

Steady I want to stay like

This forever then I wonder

Is it getting to serious to fast?

Am I doing it wrong, will this

End up all wrong. I don’t care

Because for right now it feel

Perfect it feels like a symphony

Of feeling one cannot control.

After the interruption via Chad look into her eyes while explaining who that was and it all feels so perfect. I bring her closer to me and kiss her gently not feeling the need to be greedy because I know for right now I have her all to myself; I can take it as slow as I want. We kiss for a good amount of time and it feels like heaven but I want to experience it all so slowly I mound on top of her and take off her shirt like it was made of the most delicate fabric in the world. She lies there goose bumps forming over her body yet she does nothing to stop me. Suddenly I feel wrong about it as if though I’m using her in her time of weakness. When it does happen I want her to be sure I want her to be ready for me, I want it to all be so special to her like how special she already is to me. I do something stupid I tell her I love her, I am not sure how she will react but then when she does react it doesn’t feel like such a stupid thing to say anymore because she says I love you too. I know she means it too because of all the sincerity in her eyes no one could ever fake that. I tell her why I can’t go through with it, I tell her that I want to make sure she is ready, I tell her that when she is I will be here; and so we go back to becoming a tangled mess and go to sleep that way. It is 6:45 when my alarm wakes me, and for a moment I don’t remember what happened then I see her lying next to me. I detangle myself from her trying not to wake her. I go to the closet and go get my work clothes; I work with some guys from a roofing company. She wakes up rubbing her eyes slowly watching as I change into my work clothes. “There is food in the fridge, I will be back at around two, and sorry I didn’t want to wake you up.”

Boyfriend's bestfriend

Chapter 7: Boyfriend's bestfriend (Anna-bell)

I am only half awake, I don’t know where I am but I do know who he is. Anthony is already half dressed by the time I wake up and man when I look over to where he is do I wake up, I see his perfect upper body from his toned biceps to his awesome abs. he leans in to kiss me and I kiss him back for a moment it feels as if he might get back into bed but no he doesn’t instead he says that he has to go to work or else his boss will kill him. “Once Chad wakes up he’ll keep you company.” Anthony says and with that he’s out the door and in his car. I think I really do love him but how we only met a couple weeks ago, three at tops. I think about love at first sight then quickly push the thought out my brain with a shove, I never believed in all that fairy tale fruity magic stuff. Ugh I forgot my toothbrush at home but I will not go around this house with bad breath so I brush with my finger and overload on mouthwash. Quickly I have woken up and start to think about getting a job because the money dad left behind for mom is starting to dry out and I’m not about to touch what dad saved for me because without it I can’t go to college. I urge myself to relax so I find the living room and turn on the TV not too much later Chad emerges from his room and goes to the kitchen to prepare himself some cereal in his boxers which is quite a sight.

Quite a sight

Chapter 8: quite a sight (Chad)

I have to give Anthony props this one is a real looker, damn if he didn’t have her already I would try her out. I sit next to her in front of the TV and eat some cereal. “So you and Anthony are like dating right?” and right way she blushes. “I’ll take that as a yes.” I say then I ask if she knows how to play black ops and she says no, I almost go on a rampage “What do you mean no!?! That is like the best game in the universe…. Okay since your dick wad boyfriend didn’t show you I will; watch when I’m done with you you’ll be a master but maybe not as good as me but still beggers can’t be choosers.” At this she laughs like she doesn’t know I’m about as serious as I get. And with that I pop the game into the PS3 and we play, she’s actually kinda good. i keep glancing over at her, i wonder if he would be mad if after they break up i give it a try. God i know i shouldn't be thinking like that but i just can't help it; she's so pretty, it's weird it's like she's average but she's not. i really gotta get this under control. i try focusing on the game again but i can't focus on it completely and so i keep dying, to the point that she asks "Are you okay?" i stare at her for a minute or so then it gets awkaward so then i finally say "Yeah, I'm fine just a little distracted is all." if only she knew why.

Surprise surprise

Chapter 9: surprise surprise

It’s almost 2:30 when I come back home. I hear the TV blaring as soon as I come in and know that Chad is probably playing black ops like usual what I don’t see coming though is that Anna-bell is still here I was almost sure Chad would have scared her off or she had gotten tired of waiting for me. “Oh, hey your back, Chad was teaching me how to play black ops; he’s really good at it.” She tells me gingerly “Yeah you turd I can’t believe you have yet to show her!” Chad chimes in. he pauses the game and she gets up, turns to him and says “Can we resume the game maybe a little later?” I look him down because I know if I don’t he’ll try to make her stay because he loves to have someone to play against. “Yeah sure.” He says with some hesitation. She walks towards me and kisses me lightly on the lips making me want her. I take her hand and she follows me to the room. I turn on the TV and lay on the bed exhausted from the sun that had been blaring down on me all day. She lies next to me lying her head in the crook of my chest where it meets my armpit and her arm falls perfectly around my midsection, I readjust myself so that my arm wraps around her waist. I look her profile as she watches the TV and kiss her on the cheek, now she is looking at me another kiss this one on the lips; she smiles while kissing me I feel it pressing up on my cheek. I am ready her clothes off but I know she is not ready and so I must be content with kisses for now. I let my lips fall away from hers and she lays her head back down on my chest, I stroke her hair and watch TV as good as we can with the sun reflecting off it. I really don’t mind because I’m not paying the least bit attention. The next time I check my phone its almost 4:30 she then ask what time it is so I tell her, she starts to get up “I have to go make sure my mom is alright.” She starts to gather her things and I watch her commanding myself not to pull her back in. she hovers over me for a second then kisses me, right then I remember I am the one that drove her here. I get up and she asks “where are you going?” “I’m taking you home.” I say calmly, she quickly adds “You don’t have to.” I look her in the face and give her a quizzical look “Yeah I do I’m not letting you take the bus.” And somehow we end up in the car heading to her house this time, not mine.

Horrifying sight for sore eyes

Chapter 10: horrifying sight for sore eyes

We are in the car now and god I hope mom doesn’t do something out of the ordinary like sit outside or something because then she would she him, and even worse he would see her. My thoughts are interrupted by the stomach pangs I am having I was having so much fun I had forgotten to eat today and it is just now hitting me. Shut up already when I get home I will feed you and not too much later it stops. We are around the McDonald’s close to home just 10 minutes after we pulled out of his driveway that means my house is give or take 14 minutes away from his. We turn into the street that my house is on and I get increasingly nervous because I know if he sees my mom he will take pity on me, the last thing I need from anyone. The car crawls into the driveway and thank god my mother is nowhere to be found outside, I open the car door and am just seconds from getting out when his hand reaches over and shuts it “Are you okay. you have been acting funny since I told you I was driving you home.” I have to reply quick or else he will think I got a guy in the house or something “Yeah I’m fine just worried that my mom hasn’t ate all day.” And with that I open the car door, kiss him and get out before he has time to ask more questions. I take the key out of my purse and open the door, he honks and I wave him goodbye. What I walk in to disturbs me, there are broken dishes and pieces of glass from picture frames all over the place and right in the middle of the mess, sobbing is the one and only, my mom. I rush to her side well at least as quick as I can while still avoiding the glass, when I get close I can make out what she is saying and it horrifies me “it’s okay now Wilber no need to yell, I will fix it.” She just keeps repeating that. Wilber was my father’s name and as I said he is dead. I take her in my arms and she cries even louder now. Why is it that whenever anything good in my life happens something has to go horribly wrong, to remind me there is no such thing as a remotely happy life in store for me maybe? That all I get is more pain and suffering in between the moments of happiness. I basically have to drag my mom to her room and force her up on the bed to give her the nightly sedatives prescribed to her. Then once I’m sure it’s okay to leave her room without her doing something crazy I go off to the TV room which is now my bedroom. I flop down on the comforter the couch then quickly get back up remembering that there is a bunch of glass all over the living room floor. Cleaning up the mess I hear my phone go off and I know who it is that text me because I have ringtones for everyone but the person messaging me right now is… Anthony. I scramble out of the sea of glass that is the floor and cut my knee, still I hobble over to my HTC Wildfire and reply to Anthony’s text asking if I’m okay. Yea im totally fine thx for asking I reply. I go back to the huge mess once more desperately trying to pick up every last piece… unsuccessfully. I get tired of the silence that surrounds me choking the last breath of hope I have and so I decide to go into my room to get my MP3 and the charger at least I’ll have something to listen to while I wallow in misery. I dash up the stairs to my room, grab my MP3 and run back down. Hello the screen lights and then my playlist shows up and I tap the song eyes on fire by blue foundation (zeds dead remix). The dubstep instantly calms me almost putting me into a trance, I am so deeply lost that when the song finishes (it almost 30 minutes long) I have two missed calls from Anthony, I call him back and he answers in the first two rings “Hey sorry for calling I just wanted to check up I was worried.” He says and I can’t help that my heart melts a little, “Oh no it’s fine but seriously I’m okay.” “Oh okay, um bye I guess.” I respond “Okay bye.” And that is how most our phone calls end there is no chatting on about nonsense and I am happy for that because I’m not interested in all that extra stuff. Next song on my playlist is youth by foxes (adventure club remix) I love this song, (yes I know right now most of you think I’m like some kind of dubstep addict and to tell you the truth I am.) the beat flows with my emotions perfectly even though I don’t even know how I feel right now. The songs go by until I look at my phone and it’s almost 1 in the morning I had gotten lost in my dreams for a moment where I have no worries and there is no past, no future, only now and now felt so good when now was just about music and not the dramas of life. What I need is a TV Show I swear I could turn my life into a reality TV show. The thought makes me smile a bit. I walk back into the TV room and lie back down on my bed/family couch and click the TV on, right now there are 3 shows on that I like Jerry Springer a classic, Mythbusters, and The Parkers all very good choices. I end up alternating between Jerry Springer and Mythbusters but mostly I watch Mythbusters because come on it hilarious. I fall asleep watching it. When I wake in the morning I wake up before mom which has now become the norm since dad’s passing, I turn on the stove, grab a pan and cook some eggs. I know I must eat or else they will send me back still I don’t feel comfortable and eat the littlest portions possible without stopping all together. the monster voices whisper in my ear at least now they don’t scream but recently they have been quieter but I don’t trust it will stay that way. I sprinkle little grains of salt over the eggs and the voices start don’t eat that you fat grubby little pig pause between chew which I still take 30 chews each for everything I eat look what you’ve done now you will probably get so fat you will explode. I feel like screaming and throwing plates and pulling out my hair but then this family will really be doomed because I am the one that now must keep her composure and not crack no matter what. I continue to chew on the eggs and after a while the voice gives up more or less and becomes only a hushed whisper. I finish my eggs in about 45 minutes better than it was 3 months ago when it took me at least an hour to finish anything. I call Grace which I haven’t talked to in quite a while “Hello?” she answers the phone sleepily I had forgotten that it was only 9:30 “Yeah sorry for calling so early I forgot the time.” “Oh no prob, what’s up stranger you haven’t called me or Mia, we were starting to worry that you had forgotten about us.” I feel really bad for not calling them in so long but at the same time I have been busy with making sure my mom is okay and talking to Anthony. I get defensive “Hey it doesn’t seem like you were putting in too much effort either.” I want to take back every word as soon as they come out of my mouth but it’s too late, I have said it and can’t take it back. “I don’t see why you have to catch an attitude and to be honest I don’t think I deserved it either.” I already feel like shit and she’s just making it worse “I’m sorry okay it’s just been so rough on me since,” I choke up and can’t manage to finish the sentence. "Oh Anna." grace says tenderly the metal now out of her tone, I sob on the phone not tears but full-on sobs where you gasp for air and snot runs from your nose. "Anna-bell," grace now says a bit of alarm in her voice "do you need me to come over?" I nod and wait "Anna you still there?" I had forgotten that she couldn't see me "Ye.. Yes." "I'll be there in an hour." and I hang up after about ten more minutes I pull myself off the kitchen floor and inspect the damage and now I'm glad that grace couldn't see me, i have bags under my eyes. I put on some concealer to cover up the bags and a bit of blush so that it looks natural. the light is blinding as they drag me into the hospital, i put up a fight but it’s not much as I weigh only 95 pounds (which in my opinion is way too close to the triple digits for comfort.) they strap me to the bed and put a feeding tube into my mouth, somewhere in the distance I hear my mother’s muffled cry. I try to look around but they must have strapped something on my head too, I start to panic I can feel liquid being pumped into me by the tube; I know that they are filling me with calories trying to turn me into a plump little pig. I refuse to let it happen, I squirm until a nurse has to come in and inject something so that I would go to sleep. 2 days pass with the same routine: wake up from the meds, try to get the tube out my mouth, the nurse walks in and its back to sleep. after going though it over and over i give in i stop trying i let them get me fat for now; later on that day a doctor walks in presses the button on my bed to turn on the built in scale and weights me "You're making amazing progress 2 whole pounds in just 3 days; you'll be out in no time at all." the doctor informs me, I am horrified at what I hear 2 whole pound in such a short amount of time within a week I probably won't be able to walk anymore because I'll be to huge they will have to roll me everywhere. Just stay calm if you let them do this to you for a little longer they will take out the tube then you will be off bed rest and you can figure out a way to work it off without them knowing I think to myself. it takes 2 more days and another pound before they take the feeding tube out and allow me to walk, before I can enjoy this sweet freedom a nurse which I now know is named Cass walks in and hands me the schedule of when we eat, when we can have our free time, and group meeting times and says "If you try anything slick I will make sure you are back on that bed fasted than you can even realize what’s happening." That’s when I decide I hate Cass but Idon't voice my opinion instead I walk over to the mirror I look a hot mess my hair is greasy and my eyes are puffy from crying, I turn to her "Do you guys have any make up Ican use?" she looks at me like I belong in a room patted with sponge but she answers "No need your family brought you most of your belongings including your make up." she walks out of the room and returns soon after with a crate that carries all my stuff; she puts it on the floor and leaves the room without another word. thank god I think as Ilook though the crate, at last I find my makeup I unzip the bag and take out my concealer, I then head to the mirror and apply it; determining it looks to unnatural I add a little blush. I hear the doorbell ring; I open the door and am enveloped into a hug Grace's head is squishing into my shoulder as she says "I missed you." I smile at that small comment and reply "I missed you too." she finally lets me go and looks around "well this place has gone to hell." all I can do is nod my head because it’s true. She starts picking up and I say "What are you doing?" she looks back at me and smiles "Well cleaning duh I can't let you just sit in here like this now come help out cause I'm not your maid either." I look at her oh god she is awesome. I grab the broom and start to sweep the kitchen "whatever happen to lover boy?" Grace asks in an innocent voice "Oh I still talk to him and we go out now so yeah." Grace's mouth drops "And this all happened when!" "Like a week ago when we went on our first date." I am blushing, she smiles and we go back to cleaning, after what feels like hours we finish. "I gotta go to work but I'll be back to check on you tomorrow." grace informs me; I lead her out the door and give her one last hug goodbye. Once Grace is gone and I'm back in the house I go to check on my mom even though it’s pointless because she won't even talk to me, still I walk up the stairs and knock on her door "Mom?" I say before entering "are you okay? Do you need anything, are you hungry?" she is just simply looking into the backyard threw her window. I wish I could help her but I can't so I leave the room and call Anthony "hello." Anthony answers "I'm ready." is all I simply say but he understands what I mean "Are you sure?" he asks "I'm positive." I reply "I'll be there to pick you up in like 40 minutes." and with that we hang up and I go to get dressed and ready. i wonder if this will make our relationship stronger or will it fail, i've had friends that had that happen to them; god i hope with everything that is good and great that doesn't happen to us.

This is it

Chapter 11: this is it (Anthony)

This is it, she told me she was ready but am I? I'm on my way to her house right now I just wonder if this is a good idea I wonder if she's just saying this out of rash action to her father's death I wonder if she will regret it after, but I can't just not go through with it cause she already told me she wanted to so I can't say that I don't want to use her. Well I'm already at her house and we will find out if it will work out soon. I go to the door to knock but before I even can she opens the door and jumps into my arms taking me into a hug, I hug her back and say "Are you sure your ready cause Anna-bell if you’re not it’s okay I'm not going to pressure you." she looks into my eyes passion burning "Yes I'm sure, 100 percent sure Anthony." and kisses me I break away and say "Okay then." I walk her back over to my car and we are backing out of her driveway when a lady appears from her house before I can even say a word she says "Go." and so I keep backing out and go onto the main road. It doesn't take too long to get back to my house where in my room candles are lit and there is a rose in vase just so that she knows that it’s as special to me as to her. "Okay here we go." I say a bit nervous as we walk into the house, she looks up at me and smiles easing my nerves slightly. we walk into my room and the look on her face is one of surprise "I wasn't expecting all this." she whispers to me, I turn her on the ball of her feet and say "anything for you." and start to kiss her slowly not rushing not needy just a passionate kiss soft and simple. Then Ilay her on the bed and mound on top of her kissing her with a slight more need and she returns it with the same. after a while she starts to work the buttons off my shirt and I unbuckle her pants, she looks into my eyes and says "I want you." that is all the encouragement I need I start stripping off her shirt while she kicks off her pants then she starts to unbuckle mine and I take them off. she is in her bra and panties and I am in my boxers when she pushes me down and gets on top of me taking off my boxers, I am now fully exposed to her "I love you." she says as she leans in to kiss me deeply I start to unhook her bra I can feel the Goosebumps raising on her skin finally I get the bra off exposing her breast I then raise and get on top of her kissing her neck slowly working my way down, this feels natural this feels real. I finally make it to the curve of her breast and she lets out a soft moan, I start to kiss around her, she starts pulling though my hair and arching her back letting out soft, sexy moans. Finally I can't take it anymore I take off her panties and enter her.

Aftermath

Chapter 12: Aftermath (Anna-Bell)

After it all I get up and ask where the shower is "the door to your left." Anthony replies and so I take his towel and make my way to the shower. I wash off everything and even after I am clean I stay in the shower I start to think about my mother I haven't even been home enough to cook dinner oh well she is perfectly capable I lost someone close to my heart too but you don't see me doing absolutely nothing and she is my mother, she is the one that needs to go back to work, she is the one that is supposed to support us, ugh I can take it anymore. I step out of the shower and walk back into the room I forgot to bring more clothes and I refuse to wear the ones I was wearing and so I ask "do you have any clothes I can borrow?" he looks over and smiles at me "yeah sure." he goes to the closet and pulls out a white t-shirt and some pajama pants, he tosses them and I catch them which is a miracle because I have never had good hand-eye coordination. I drop the towel and start to put on the clothes when Anthony says "you're beautiful, you know that?" I turn my head slightly so that he can't see me blush "thank you." but that’s not enough for him I'm not even finished getting my shirt on when he walks over to me grabs my chin and says "Anna-bell you are beautiful, and sexy, and smart, I just need to make sure you know that because I don't know why but I just feel like you don't." I flush at the unexpectedness of this comment, I can’t move my head away since he has it gripped so instead I kiss him and then I say “I know.” And with that he lets me go and rolls back into bed. I get my clothes on and follow in close pursuit, lay next to him and we fall asleep cuddling.

Morning after

Chapter 13: morning after (Anna-bell)

i wake up first and my stomach starts to growl instantly, Shut up already I'll feed you, and so i creep out of bed and into the kitchen where i make myself some whole wheat toast (70 cal.) with a small layer of honey (about 30 cal.). once i'm done with my food and no one is up yet i decide to cook for Chad and Anthony, i go to the fridge and pull out eggs and becon everything a guy has ever wanted for breakfast. only about 10 minutes after i start cooking the first one appears which is Chad "What's shakin' becon?" he asks sleepily which makes me laugh then i reply "Becon and eggs." and with that Chad says "God Anthony, i love your girlfriend already." i stifle a smile and pass him a plate and come over to him with the pan of eggs and pour some onto his plate. he takes a bit an with his mouth still full he manages to say "Wow...these....are amazing, what did you put in them?" i reply "it's really simple just some milk eggs and pepper." he stares at me and then says "You are awesome, i won't mind having you around the house." i smile once more and take the becon off the pan and put them in a plater in front of Chad and let him take as much as he wants, then i go back to anthony's room and on the bed there he is. I leap into the space next to him and tug on his arm "wake up sunshine." he sqats his hand up half heartedly and then takes me with one hand and wraps me in his warm embrace.

Once i finally manage to get him out of bed and in the kitchen Chad is already done and is washing his plate. i put down a plate and a cup in front of anthony and pour him juice and give him the rest of the eggs and becon. He basically gulps it down in 3 minutes flat. "Babe?" i say "Yeah?" he answers "I need to go home and check on my mom can you drive me?" he looks over at me and says "Yeah of course but i don't want you staying there i feel like it brings out the worst in you and i'm going to meet your mom so she can at least know where you're going off to." i stiffen and regret even bringing up going home i don't want him to meet my mom, not how she is now. "No really it's fine i just gotta make sure she's okay." i say hoping i don't sound to pushed "i gotta meet her anyways so why not now?" and for that i have no arguement so i just nod my head and hope it all goes good. we get into the car and the whole way there i am absentmindedly biting my nails, it isn't until we pull into my driveway that i notice what i have done, biting them almost to the nub. i walk up the stairs slow as possible almost like a snail how slow i climb. i open the door and when i walk in my knees go weak and i feel like i'm going to puke. "An...Anthony." i manage holding back a sob, i feel as if the world has tilted on its axel and everything is out of balance, Anthony then walks in the house and rushes to my side taking me back outside, away from that horrible scene that will scar me forever, then he goes back inside after my mother. he brings her out and lays her on the front porch "Babe, call 911 now." he says barely a whisper; i pull out my phone and dial "911 what is your emergency?" i hear a lady over the phone, it takes me a minute to answer because the tears welding up inside block my vocal cords "It's.. It's my mom i think she tried to kill herself.... god there's pills everywhere. please come quick." i feel detached from my body, everything so unreal to me; i can feel no emotion except sadness. "Okay miss, where is your location?" the lady says a little bit more rushed, "1870 pike street 30032." i say and hang up.

hospitals

chapter 14: hospitals (Anthony)

hospitals creep me out, they have that of rubber gloves and Lysol smell to them which i hate. i've never really liked hospitals like ever, even when i was a little kid. once a doctor tried to give me a shot and i kicked him in the knee while the nurses were trying to hold me down, so yeah i really don't like hospitals.

they finally let us in the hospital bedroom after almost 4 hours of waiting, and there on the bed is a woman that looks so frail and small; a pale mask hovering over what would be slightly tan skin

Impressum

Widmung:
no one really

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