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Just a few things to mention, but so far I like it :)
1) Use paragraphs, so far I haven't seen a single one
2) each time a new person speaks you make a new paragraph, that way there's no confusion in speakers
3) euros are a modern currency, why not make a new one for your story?
4) (last one I promise) if its an empire there would be an emperor not a king
But other than those few things I think you've got a pretty good thing... mehr anzeigen
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Great Story so far, a fairy tale of a guy. Unique and inspiring.
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