BookRix

It's rare that I pick at an author's work, especially one who has the likes of Twain written in his stories.

You have the makings of a The New Yorker story right here. There's just something about a down home piece of writing in a voice like yours that draws serious readers everywhere.

You have the characters. You have the setting. You have the dilemma. The initial draw, or hook. "Pa says uncle Wooster is the laziest man in Muddy Fork County. Wooster is Mammy's brother,..." I'm laughing already. Muddy Fork County? That sounds like Clothesline Pole, Arkansas:)

I'd like to see a few revisions, then read it in a Literary mag. Chiefly, narrative and dialogue. You begin with the authentic rural, backwoods narrator's voice. That is exceptional. What would happen if you continued on, ie., "Pa says he feeds (mooches, or some other excellent verb one of these folks might use) off the county at the expense of us corn-growin' taxpayers, an' when spring comes round..." Now you don't have an educated teenager living on the banks of the Mississippi, you have Huck Finn.

Dialogue: The same thing applies here (in my opinion) Page 7 for example: "Get yer hat," ordered Sheriff Stone. "I brought ya' a horse ta ride back ta Muddy Fork on. I'll swear ya in at the courthouse and give ya a uniform ta wear."

Now, you can replace my "tas" with "tos", but I think the thing is, for the atmosphere, you should seriously consider contracting the "I wills", etc., at least.

These two observations, if you happen to agree, will catapult the story upward.

Lastly, I'd think about revising the ending paragraph. It's charming in its way, but it's a let down. Kind of akin to racing down the back roads at a breakneck pace, the revenuers hot on your tail, and then experiencing a flat tire. Don't let Wooster and company off so lightly. Wrack your brain for some wrap up that will leave EVERYONE gasping with delight.

I repeat, though: This story has the makings. You have the voice.

Hilarious! What a clever wit you have! I can see this as a movie!