BookRix

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thanks for the advice but i realize its not well detailed but i just wanted to test the waters and see what people think so far i was going to go back later and add much more trust me i have a lot of plans for this story :) i want it to be utter gore with lots of horrific details but that will come in much later but again thank you so much for your time and advice <3 !

So far i like it but i dont really like the way you worded it. What i mean is, a story about a kid in the most insane asylum, i think, should've started off with a bit more detail or when he's standing in front of the director(in my opinion). Dont rush. Take your time to write it out. Like when your describing him, write a few sentences on his apperance, just enough for the reader to get a clear visual image. Dont tell the story, SHOW it. I know you only created it yesterday. but keep working on it!! Its a very good story, just needs more editing. More detail. and more showing NOT telling. Remember, the best written stories dont give everything away until the very end. (even in sequels) Is my advice. I wish you good luck!