creat interest and intriegue. A story is a journey. There should be more to it, than just getting from point A "the meeting", to point B "the consequence".
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not much character developement. what are the characters actually like? Immortal vampire? He's lived through alot. He knows his actions Will affect the future. Even the descisions of mortals can affect the future, but he has many more chances to do so than most. I'd think he'd weigh "turning point" actions more heavily.
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Thanks for the advice. I'm thinking of rewriting it
can't make a decent comment. kind of choppy writing & contrived plot. deliberate meeting, deliberate "love", predictable couse of action.
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Yeah I know. I was still starting out somewhat when writing this
Goood(: I think you should add more to it.
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im goias soon as i get internet at home imng to im up in michigan at my dads
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What will happen next and you should keep going, you could make a mini-series.
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this is good you should write more
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I know I'm thinking of rewriting this
Idk if you still get on here. But I am gonna rewrite this at some point. Idk when tho