BookRix

thanks xxxauroraxxxwiccan, i really appreciate everyone's comment and suggestions, i used to have world but something happen to it and it doen't let me write anything at all is so frustrating.....am going to fix it asap thanks :)

thanks foreverworks, yeah i know but is sort of hard to concentrate in one thing in particular when all my thoughts come at once and am trying to figure out what to write next....thanks for the help :)

thanks mrs.gooducklady, i really apreciate the help, yeah i know my spelling is really bad,um...i tried really hard and i know is not perfect. i am going to try to correct it :)

It is a bit difficult to read with the run on sentences but I do like the idea. You just need to use a program like Microsoft works or something to help with the spelling errors. Normally I would be the last person saying that since I am personally a horrid speller but the program helped me so there weren’t as many errors in my stories. Also, get friends to read it or family members if they are willing. Older people know what’s right and wrong. Since you are from a different ethnicity I could understand that sometimes words are different and you just didn’t know. Other than that it’s pretty good. Just do what the gooduklady said and you should be good. It's a good idea in there somewhere it’s just gotta be let out to shine you know :)
Oh! And periods!! lol Add periods to the end of a sentence even if it is a long one or one ending a paragraph or even one before the ” it just helps it flow better. Okay that’s it, I'm done and......good luck!!!! :)

i realized while reading it you switched tences a lot like from past tence to present tence. maybe if you stuck to one the story would flow more.

only trying to help :)

Please do use spell check. The word is "following" not "fallowing". There are so many errors that I cannot list them all. Being a good writer means checking spelling, grammar and sentence flow. Short sentences are better and easier for the reader. followed by longer ones. I look forward to reading this when you have re-vamped it. Valerie

Rose, you asked me to critique your story and all I can say is this: I read it very rapidly because it is not a genre I am like. As far as I am concerned, the vampire theme has been worked to death and unless you come up with something totally unique and different, I wouldn't bother. I could not read past page 15 because your sentences were too difficult to follow. They run on...there is little punctuation...lots of spelling mistakes...but most important, no real plot. It is just the same tired old high school vampire story and I'm afraid it doesn't hold my interest. Perhaps teenagers would enjoy it...but for me, no. I am sorry. I wish I could be more helpful.

Really good! I can't wait until you write more :)