BookRix

This is a really very good book . I really enjoyed it ... :-)

your book is very very good =)

#FirstNOTE
(NOTE)
- I think that capital letters, won't be bad!
- Meeting more with the character and stop saying "I", "I" somehow repeating it so much it goes useless.

- Do not and don't sound strange do not why... it's kind of strange....!

- After all nice title, nice cover but this so many paragraphs are useless, so far you sound like you are trying to put too many stories in one place which don't have any connection. You started explaining that you had a brother then he died in crash, who was he?
How old was he?
How it happen the car crash, you say stuff and you then skip them. SOmething has happen one look and then you skip it, kind of not a gentle move.

But still I don't understand why it's for 16 and above?
The first pages, I really don't see horror this paragraphs only makes disturbed.

Despite the language difficulties, I can see that this story promises to be an excellent one. I applaud your efforts to write it in English, which is a terribly difficult language for everyone - even those who speak it as their first language. I was still able to understand what you were saying, which is wonderful.

The only thing I would recommend, other than having someone who knows English really well, is to think about the reality factor. When we imagine a story, it makes sense in our own minds, but when put in the context of the real world, some aspects might not work.

For instance, your main character is only twelve years old. If her only living or known relative (her mother in this case) suddenly went into a coma and had to be hospitalized, a child that young would immediately be put in the custody of the State. The doctor certainly wouldn't send her home alone - that would be considered child abuse in every English-speaking country in the world. Also, I don't know many kids that age who drink coffee, much less know how to make it, but I suppose there are some who do. It just sounds a little odd. Maybe have her explain that she and her mother always drank coffee and her mom taught her how to make it. Something like that.

Other than that, this is the start of a wonderful, creepy tale of horror and mystery! Please get someone to help you with the English, and I guarantee you'll get lots of readers loving it!