BookRix

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Olympia,

A very sweet story. The idea used was terrific. I did notice a couple of things you can do to strengthen your story. It's your choice whether to make any of the corrections I've suggested.

Check out line 2--delete 'to'--it is an extra word.

line 4--comma after 'belt' and a comma after 'or'

When the character is thinking to herself, for instance, "Hmmm, should I wear..." Delete the quotation marks and place the thought in Italics. Reader will understand that your character is thinking internally. Additionally, when the character is thinking to herself, remember not to use, 'she said,' or 'she thought.' The italicized part speaks for itself. You have several of these areas in your story.

After she thinks, "Definetely the dress!" besides deleting the quotation marks and deleting 'she said,' put a line break to create a new paragraph.

When two characters are speaking to one another, there should be a line break between each person talking.

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