BookRix

This is an interesting story you've got here. It's unique, to say the least.

You do, however, seem to switch from past to present tense. I thought the story was being told by Jordan as if it had already happened, but then it switched to 'happening right now' kind of narration.

Also, the background on the pages is very distracting and makes it hard to read the text. Ah! This could turn away so many readers, and you don't want that.

But it's an interesting story. I mean, I can't even imagine something like this happening, but who knows. The world is a different place now a days.

Anyway, good job. You've got some editing to do, but otherwise this piece really shows the heart of a man who has messed up and wants to do the right thing :)

Good job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

I was wondering how I can change the paper inside the book?

Thank you sportsshorts..I will polish this all up once I get a few more chapters out on paper..I will go back and re read it together and then change it and let you all know how it is coming:)

I think that is great you stepped up..keep writing..I have the same problem but just check grammar and things

Thank you for that advice, and reading my chapter:) Yea I tend to run off at the mouth. It was very hard being a single dad, and I use to think that it was so easy..I give the single mothers out there credit, your doing great..
Thank you again for the comment:)

Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a Dad. The man in your story stepped up and took responsibility.

I see you had fun with the editor,picking a background for your story but in my opinion it distracts from your words. I would also refine my skills with sentence structure. Not that its bad,but it could be better. That could be said about 75% of us.