I am going to tell you something. I thought it was easy taking care of children. I use to think woman would complain just so they could get out of the house to hang out or to work.

But I can tell you that it is not easy at all. I have six children and I am only 32 years old. I had my first child when I was young.

My oldest daughter is 15 years old already. I don’t know where the time went with her. Seems like she was just a baby yesterday and soon she will be driving.

I have children with three different women. I know that it is wrong. But like I said I was young when I started. I was 15 when my first kid was born. I thought me and the mother would be together. She was almost 20 by the time we had our daughter. My mother May was not happy about it, but what could she do about it? She told me it was all on me, she was not going to help me. And she didn’t.

I was in high school trying to take care of a baby, go to work and do school work. I ended up dropping out of school, so I could take care of my daughter Makayla.

I had to get up in the middle of the night and take care of her, because a month after she was born her mother Nikki left.

I got up all night long by myself. I changed, fed and bathed my child myself. I would rock her when she wouldn’t sleep and was cranky. I was a teenager taking care of a baby alone.

Makayla was growing so well. She was rolling over, sitting up, and she could hold her own bottle. She babbled all the time. She was doing great.

Out of the blue, Nikki called and said she wanted to see her daughter and she wanted to talk to me. I of course being young and dumb said yes.

Nikki walked in like she never left. She told me wanted to try again. She had her own place so, I and Makayla could come stay with her. This sounded like a good idea to me. I wouldn’t be in my mother’s house with a baby.

I jumped at the idea. I told her I would come over in a few days with all of our stuff. I was going to be living on my own again and I could go back to school and work since Nikki was back.

We were all moved in, it took three days to get everything over there since I had to do everything on my own, I had to wait to get paid so I could have my sister Mandy rent a u-haul for me.

We were getting along fine. We were talking now, she was coming home when she was supposed to, I was going to school and work. Things were finally looking up. I thought this was going to be great. I think we can make it and have nice things.

I work in a factory at this time, so that is good I go there as soon as I get out of school, do my school work and then go to work. It is a small little factory where you clip the head lining in cars, you might put a head light on. Depends where you worked.

I did the lining. It was easy but you had to stand on your feet all night. It was ten hours a day. I would get out at 2:00 a.m.

We have lived together for three months now, Makayla is doing great, she is walking and she is talking. She loves when I come home. I walked in and she came to me. I looked at Nikki and could tell she was not happy.

My first thought was Makayla had done something. But she said “ Can we talk alone?”

I followed her to our room and sat on the edge of our bed and waited for to speak. I didn’t have to wait long, she just blurted out what she had to say.

“I’m pregnant.”

I sat there staring at her, was she serious?

“Say something, damn it!”

What do you want me to say Nikki? I mean you are pregnant I guess we deal with this. I make enough that I can take care of us.

She looked at me like she hated me right then. What the hell was that about?

Nikki? What do you want from me?

“Nothing, just leave me alone.” I am going to my mothers house for a couple days.”

She walked out without looking back. She just left her daughter with me again and took off. She didn’t kiss her daughter bye or nothing.

I was dumb founded. What the hell did I do? What did she want from me? I told her I would take care of us.

There was nothing else I could do or say tonight. I took my daughter and fed her, so I could eat myself. I was ready for bed and I was sure Makayla was. I laid her next to me on my bed. It would just be easier if she woke up, I wouldn’t take a chance on not hearing her.

I was pissed at Nikki. I told myself then, I was not going to leave my children with her ever. I would have to stay with her, so I knew my unborn would be okay. I didn’t want her to do something to the baby.

I waited four days before Nikki came home. When I tried to question her about where she was and what she was doing.

She told me “ Fuck off Jordan.” I don’t have the time or the strength for you tonight.”

I was shocked. What was she talking about now? I didn’t do anything, she got mad and she walked out. What gave her the right to be mad at me?

I didn’t speak to her for a few days after she came back. I went to school and work like I always did, and then came home spent time with my daughter and slept or whatever I wanted as long as I didn’t have to work or something.

I was having fun being a dad. But I know it is hard to raise kids alone. I wanted it to work out with Nikki. She was the mother of my children since she is pregnant. Plus I love her, she was the second female I slept with.

We had some good times. We had some bad times. But isn’t love supposed to work everything out? I thought it was. But I was told when a woman is mad let her be. So that is what I did. I made her come to me.

When she did come and talk to me, she said,

“Look I wasn’t ready for another baby.” I was going to do things too, you know?” I am going to have this baby, just so you know.”

She walked out the room and then right out the front door. Where the hell is she going now?

I didn’t have time to think about what she was doing, when I had a daughter that needed me to take care of her. She still had to eat, and be bathed and sleep and you have to interact with her.


Chapter 2
I worked my ass off trying to take care of my child, go to work and finish school. I was doing good. Remember I told you that she got pregnant again. I know it was our fault because we were never using protection.

But I felt like I should be a father, there was nothing else that mattered then to keep us fed and housed. That was my main goal and I was working my towards that.

The longer Nikki was pregnant; the worst she acted. She was tired of being pregnant, she was sick of being in the house, tired of that and this.

I didn’t know what else I could do to make her happy. I tried everything. Nothing I did helped make her happy.

I was at the point I was ready for the last 5 months to go by, so I could see my son and she wouldn’t have to be pregnant any more.

We started to argue every day. This was not good for my daughter. This was not good for her either being pregnant, but she didn’t care. I would pack my daughter a bag and go stay the night at my moms. Sometimes this would help and sometimes it wouldn’t.

I didn’t know how much longer I could handle this shit. I was getting stressed. I dropped out of school. But I have a good job so I am okay with that for now.

It is finally time to have our baby. I went to the hospital with her, stayed there up until they said all visitors had to leave. I had to leave anyways since I had a daughter at home to take care of. She was made because I didn’t spend enough time in the hospital with her.

When she got home three days later, we were still arguing. I didn’t need want this no more. But what could I do without letting her have my kids and leaving? That was not going to happen. She was not ready to be a mother even though she is older.

I tried to sit down and talk to her. Ask her what is wrong, what could I do? The whole nine yards. She got mad at me for asking her anything at all. I was shocked at her behavior. I thought maybe she was going crazy.

I didn’t know anything about post partum depression.

Things were up and down for another year. I would work like I was, I kept taking care of my kids, and most of the time I would spend the night at my mom’s house. Nikki would take off at night and not come home all night, maybe two nights later. I needed someone to help me watch them when I went to work.

This went on for a few months. Then she came home and stayed home for like two weeks. I thought that was really weird. I didn’t ask her what was going, because I didn’t want to start anything.

I didn’t have to wait but a few days to find out what her deal was. She came out of the bath room and said “I’m two weeks pregnant.”

Well it isn’t mine. We haven’t had sex in awhile and then you took off to do god knows what. I am not stupid Nikki. This is not my baby. you want me to think that because I take care of my other kids.

Impressum

Tag der Veröffentlichung: 15.11.2011

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