BookRix

Delightfully fanciful and bizarre. You can see everyone wants you to write something with more body.

I enjoy this story, very imaginative. No wonder you got most ambitious....wonderfully scary.

Great Job!

I'm with everyone here, you should develop this story....work on it... it has the making of a great novel

Dark, twisted and intriguing! There are some grammatical errors but the concept itself is just awesome:) I would definitely like to read more.

The way you wrote this, it felt like a much longer piece. It's not easy to give the reader that much depth in so few words, and like everyone else, I feel you should expand this. Give Book I a little more in terms of background story, too. Wonderful, scary tale!

Pretty good premise, but needs some editing (Repition of the word "Then" for example). I think if you had a larger word count you probably could've done better.

And a heck of a story line. This is one you should take your time on and develop. You just need to slow down and get a little more description of scenes and characters.

I think you have a winning concept here, you just need to expand and develop it in more detail.

I second that. VERY imaginative and very different!

Yep, carry. You've quite an imagination.