BookRix

this is a good book

I loved the opening about the heart. Great start! Keep going and let me know when you write more.

I really liked your story. I hope you develop this into a novel./joe
Sorry it took so long to get to you.

beautiful story cant wait for more

Hi Liz,

What an amazing front cover, did you do this art work?

I'm debating whether to read this after everyone's comments on you're not finishing it, lol.

Love the quick prologue, you have my interest.

Pg 7: Not sure light can 'blare' vision.

Repetition of 'Jared' isn't working. There are no other males in this scene so you can go with the pronoun, 'he' or 'him'.

Pg 10: Instead of 'began racing' I'd simply go with 'raced'. You've used 'began' three times on this page.

Pg 11: 'I suddenly stopped' doesn't work. It's the use of 'suddenly', I'd get rid of it.

Good start, interested in reading more.

Bek :)

Keep writing!

Yeah, I'm still working on Chapter 2. I'll let you know when it's done.
Liz

Well, I will in time. It's not done, you know.

Too short, please write more pages..at least 10 or more.
Laz

Liked the beginning. Would like to read more. On page seven, bottom paragraph you might take out the second 'I thought' It could read "I had thought I was safe here." Just a suggestion. Can't wait to finish it.