BookRix

For me, I favor stories like this. i honostly dont care about the grammer right now, but this is a good story! tell me if you write anything else like this!
~CrystalC

I think you have a story there, but you need to work on your grammar.
Also the cursing added nothing to the story at all.
I have nothing against rude language, If it is in character, and adds some dimension to the story line, but just using it when it adds nothing to the story is a waist of ink.

Try asking someone for help in editing your work. And keep trying.

I might be old school, but for me the writing was painful, did not flow, and seemed to be written in modern text chat style.

It's good it just has some grammar errors. I liked it.