BookRix

Yeah, this was one of those beginner's stories. I wrote this one many years ago, it was when I first started developing characters.
Although it is sorry to say that I may never finish this story. There was a bit of a problem. I do have other completed books if I find them I will definitely type them up so people can enjoy them.
Thank you for the comment. It may definitely get me more motivated.

As a fan of suspense and mysteries, "Shadowless," really appeals to me. The beginning captured the muddled jumbled thoughts that I would assume one would have after such serious shock.

I like your minimalist approach to Alex. Most unsubs (yes, I'm a Criminal Minds fan!) are sparse...until they're not. Good writing here.

Jumping back and forth between characters confused me. After the first jump into Alex's thoughts, I didn't realize I was back with Cherel until halfway through the new chapter. Perhaps this can be made much more clearer.

I do suggest that you rethink your end notes. They are very off-putting and not only do the work of deterring the problems you seem to anticipate, they also stop the "I love this book!" comments you deserve for sharing your work with the reading public.

Trust me, I understand where you're coming from. I've only just begun to buckle down and seriously scribble, and when I have a completed book ready I can only imagine who will like it, hate it or worse.

I'm officially on unsub duty now and look forward to your next installment. :-)

(If you're so inclined, I would appreciate your feedback/rating on this comment as well at http://www.bookrix.com/_group-en-learning-to-write-better-101 )