BookRix

Okay, so I just realized that people are actually looking at this book. I wanted to thank every single one of you who have given my book a chance. I also wanted to thank those of you that have added this book to your favorites. This has made me so incredibly happy. I'm sorry that I haven't updated the book in..... well years. I plan on trying to finish these books up. It will take a super, super long time, but thank you for supporting me, and this book. You have no idea how much that means to me. It will probably be a while until I actually get around to updating this, but if you have any feedback at all, please add it. It doesn't even have to be nice. I need constructive criticism. Thanks so much for the feedback I've gotten to this point. Just... seriously, thanks. I can't thank you all enough.

Pretty cool story. It's some neat stuff you've got here. And your writing style is good.

However, I would like to point some things out to you:

Now, the first sentence in the second paragraph of the first chapter is a bit funky. It feels out of place somehow... Maybe it's some of your word choice? I'm not quite sure why, but when you say "This is the third...etc." followed by "...will have attended...etc.", it feels strange. Again, I'm not sure what it is, exactly, though I know it reads a bit rough.

And be careful when you write in first person. Because if your narrator is telling a story about a past happening that is about the narrator, the story can get really confusing. Especially if the narrator comment on his/her current state of being, now and then.

So what I trying to say it that this story is kind of hard to follow with the seemingly constant changing between past and present-tense. Yikes! And I can't really tell what tense you're really writing in either.

Also, you have some strong language in the book.

Overall, it was interesting, but a bit slow with the telling of everything Ashley did. It's still kind of cool, though. However, this story didn't really draw in me. Sorry to say. It could just be the genre, though, as I'm not drawn to most fantasy books.
But, again, I must say that your writing style is very nice :) It's actually really good.

Great job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

It really truly means a lot, :).

Wow! I just read the blurb and I'm already in love with the book! XD

I'll be writing more to it soon. I'm glad you like it.

Your book is fantastic and I cant wait to continue to read your book. :)
From-Deidre