BookRix

John, I tried to read your book but it seemed to disappear after chapter 15. But having read that much it seemed to be a potentially interesting and exciting story. But I would not mention Orcs as they have been used already in The Lord of the rings.
Also there is no need to keep putting, he said, she said, he stated etc., But when you do, put it on the same line as it is rather confusing otherwise. And put commas where appropriate otherwise the dialogue is much too long.
And the line "parry it with ease" should be parried it with ease.
Hope that helps.

Review - I say often I can hear a writer's 'voice.' That means how they put words together to describe something. Or how they portray their characters.

I really like your 'voice.' It is somewhat unique. Like on pg 12, "bringing a stripe of blood to the linen." That creates a vivid image with unique wording. So this tells me you have a writer's instinct.

I'm getting a sense of Zoe's personality as well. He is a good and obedient servant, using his skills quite well.

I think 'rootrot' gave you some very sound advice, I would suggest the same. You need to work on basic grammar. For instance, in the flow of dialogue you don't have to end each sentence with 'he replied, he stated, he said, he called, he spoke, etc. You can, if your characters dialogue lines are different enough, run dialogue for some time between two characters without noting who said what. Pick up a book and notice how the dialogue is set up. If your character breaks away, does something else, then you need to tag.

Also, study Point of View. That determines your tense. May I suggest "Finding Your Writer's Voice" by Thaisa Frank and Dorothy Wall.

By the way, love the artwork on the front of your book. You are quite talented. Robynn

This is a promising story - I can see a lot of good that can come out of it. It was definitely worth the read.

Here's a suggestion: Be sure to work on your sentence structure. Sometimes it will help if you analyze a work by one of your favorite authors. Compare how the information is sorted.

The beginning line (which I edited a bit) as an example: "Kamota, are we going to the prince's aid once more?" Zoe asked.

'Zoe asked' would go right after the intended character's speech.

***

If you feel that I could help in any way, private message me and I'll gladly lend support. 8)

story. It needs a little polish with spelling and grammar. It has the makings of a much meatier story. Keep fine tuning this, its worth it!