BookRix

thanks :) this helped.
I talk to the writers because it's how I feel.

Okay, I'm kinda getting the gist of what you're trying to do here, but i think you've got it a bit muddled. If I were you I'd reduce this message by about one-half or a quarter, because a lot of the things you are saying are repeats.

Try not to speak directly at the reader. Write it as if you were talking to yourself.

be careful with your spellings. You say 'your' a lot instead of 'you're'. Watch that.

I think you have to put a notation to the story if this is going to be a prologue...like 'well that's my take on life and the leaves falling off the tree. Which reminds me, I was on my way to school the other day and there were some leaves falling off the tree right next to the house where my friend lived.

Chapter one

My friend, Annie had a beautiful house....

Do you see what i mean? The prologue links to the first chapter rather than you writing a piece which bears no relation to the book or the story line.

My favourite line:

my life is like a leaf, yes a leaf, a leaf blowing in the wind in the cold windy Autumns day

Hope you continue with this story. Its a great start you have here.
Well done
Wendy xx

heyy vampires18,darkwolf, ashblaze28, claudianstephy4ever,rachelm1123,zoroastra,
teamdamon99,lazybones,broo68 thanks for adding betrayed to your favourites =) hope you enjoy it =) I upload whenever I can so you won't be left waiting =) Sorry, I know you added betrayed to your favourites ages ago =s sorry.

i havent readit yet but does she meet her vamp livemate?

thanks for adding this story to your favorites :)