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You can feel the little girl's fear throughout the story. You wrote her emotions quite well.
However, the story needs more editing. On page 4 try fixing: She trembled in perspiration from the sultry heat... to something like this:
She trembled. Perspiration from the sultry heat from the covering clung to her tiny body. Suddenly, something fell from the rooftop.
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Thank you! That does sound a little better! I'll use it! You seem good enough for editing my book "Little Dolls! You want to try it? Just to see if you can give it a little more flavor...what do you say? :)
Sorry, but no. I'm not an editor. Need one for myself if I ever get to finish a book. I just try to help from the little knowledge I gain from googling.
Aw that's too bad you have the skills and don't realize it! Never sell yourself short! :) But I understand, you've been very helpful and thanks so much! :) TTYL!