BookRix

(●⁰౪⁰●) ︀➸ ｗｗｗ．ｄａｔｅ４ｆｕｑ．ｃｏｍ?_ebook-charsey-rose-collins-his-eyes-of-gold

Awwww! J'aime beaucoup!
You're doing a wonderful job with this. One of the better stories I've read here. I can't wait to see more!
~H

Hello all readers. I left a sample of "His eyes of Gold". It is an unfinished book in progress. From time to time I will update as this book unravels. Thank you to all who have left comments, offered help, and just stopped by. Happy reading! :)

This is a wonderful beginning. I can see you are, indeed, serious about your writing. For that reason, and because I believe this can become one of the better books on this site, I'd like to offer you a little editing help. Nothing major - a few words misspelled and some common grammar mistakes, all of it very easy to fix.

That said, the story itself has great promise. Many writers attempt this kind of plot line but bog it down with a lot of unnecessary, almost childish details. You, on the other hand, get right to the point, using stark prose that perfectly parallels the terrible but all-too-common circumstances surrounding abuse. You also waste no time with lengthy descriptions, but get right into the action that keeps the reader's attention. There are a few points that could be expanded, but most of that could occur later, and only one or two that need explanation in this first section.

I'd love to see this developed. You have talent, and I believe all talent deserves to be nurtured. Please let me know if you'd like my help on this, or if there's anything at all I can do for you.

Seriously terrific job!