I was from the North

     

 Four A.M. The clock on the wall reassured me that morning was slowly arriving. I lay under my favorite quilt that my grandma had made for me when I was a child. 

     " Grandma.. can I help? " 

     " Well sure, let me get you some fabric and find a needle just for you.

Memories of the love my grandma gave to me were stitched in the little Dutch girl Quilt. I found comfort in it during difficult times. 

 True love is what she had shown me as a child. I cried so hard, harder than I thought possible two years prior when she passed. 

 I grew up abused. As a child I had not known what friendships, sleep overs, phone calls, or having friends over was. All my classmates and I had gotten along, but I was known as the girl eveyone knew not to ask to birthday parties, not to ask over after school, and several times as I went through high school I was asked if I thought maybe I had been adopted. I never told anyone what I had endured.

 I remember running from the school nurse when she had her scoliosis " to do list"  in hand. She found me hiding behind gym lockers. 

  " It will only take a second, just turn around raise your shirt and I will make sure your spine is straight so I can mark you off my chart. " 

    " Busted " to no fault of my own.

    I turned my back to the nurse, raised my shirt and held my breath.

    I still remember the stillness and a hushed gasp.

  " Come with me. " 

    I followed her to the gym teacher, the principle, the counselor.

     THEN HOME.

    " You LIAR ... you told... now you have another lesson to learn! "

   The school nurse had not helped but made it worse.

   No one ever understood to stay quiet but I did.  So Through my life I stayed quiet. 

  Time marched on. I had three layers of clothing on. Sweat rolled down my neck. They say when you become an adult you find comfort in the things you know.

    Abuse. Comfort. Makes sense until you have had enough.

   I saved money little by little. Everything was planned. I looked around at my surroundings in the dark. I never have been a material person. Survival was more important than anything you could replace along the way.

    This was the hard part.

     COURAGE.

   I knew daybreak would be coming in about an hour and a half. The night before I made my desicion. No time to waste. I would not sleep another night in his bed.  I was brave and told him so and slammed my body to the couch when he was watching so he would think I was just being a stubborn women over being pushed around some (words of his own) I tried to stand and frooze.  My blood pulsed through my ears. My body trembled. I suddenly became very thirsty.

  " Go now... Just go." 

   Words of courage burst through my head on their own.

   I grabbed my duffel bag and quietly tiptoed to the front door. I listened. No sounds. I raised my hand and turned the doorknob. Without thinking and without looking back I fled from the past and into the future.

 

 

 

Headed South

 

     I had run from tree, to house, through rose gardens, and was taking a break under a bridge.  I was almost there.  The greyhound station.

Everything was eerie quiet as I had run so far. I jumped at the sound of any vehicle, and stood

as a deer caught in headlights when any vehicle drove by.                                                            

  I looked at the time on my cell phone. I had pleanty of time to reach the station. The bus

wasn't set to leave for another forty minutes.

  I was sweating. Early spring but a little humid. I had took the other two layers of clothing

off along the way and discarded them in my bag.

  Two days prior I had started putting my bag together. The neccesities. Clothing. Some

photos. I had rolled grandmas quilt and carried it with me and it was also in the bag.  Some

things you just could not replace. I grabbed a cigarrette and my pop bottle. Time to refuel. 

 I leaned on the bridge and looked down to the Mill Creek. The sun had started to rise and

the pure beauty reflected on the waters surface.  A new day and a fresh start. I trained my

brain to just think forward and not to think back. Never look back after leaving somewhere

because you will end up back where you started from one day and I never wanted that.

  I took a drink replaced my pop bottle back in the bag. The birds were chirping. The sound

that people were waking. I took one last drag from my cigarrette and threw it in the creek

below. 

  The creek was the place I had left my final mark and I know it would stay Quiet.

  I quickly walked along the city sidewalks. More cars, more people. I kept my head down. 

  As I reached the bus station I felt my phone vibrate through the jeans of my pocket.

  HE HAD AWOKE AND REALISED I WAS GONE.

  A faint feeling rushed through my body. 

   I bought my one way ticket and by the time I was settled in my bus seat my phone had

vibrated in my pocket more times than I could count.

    BITTERSWEET was the word that came to mind as the bus pulled out of the station

southbound to any destination.  I watched my hometown pass me by. 

  " Attention all passengers. We are stopping at the next exit. We have some other passengers to pick up. "

   A little confused I looked to other passengers. There were only a handful of us. 

     "Wonder what's up?" another passenger had asked not to anyone in particular.

   Then I seen. Another bus was broken down on the interstate. And it's passengers where

standing at a gas/mart with bags in tow.  

   " Taking a break to pick extra passengers up. Next destination in fifteen minutes. "

   My phone had continued to vibrate and I ignored it. Soon I would buy another phone in  

another town. And all connections would be lost. Ignoring was the best way. I had to move

forward. So as some passengers got off and on the bus I took the bus schedule out of my bag

and began to study where to go. I had bought a ticket to Miami and it would take a day and a

half to get there. There were other stops in between and I decided I could go all the way or

get off in another town.

   " Bro. "

       NO WAY. BUSTED. NO WAY. PANIC STRUCK IN. I KNEW THAT VOICE.

     

     

 

     

Destination Unknown

 

     Nervous adrenaline seized my entire body.

   " Erianna..?"

  I held my composure and lifted my eyes from my hands straight into the gold specks of Ponys' eyes.

 His face was inches from mine. I strained with trained eyes, up, down and around. Pony seemed to be alone. 

   " Hello Pony, you taking a trip? "

  " Yes..... with you " 

  " You were on a different bus, so we must be on different .... " 

  What was the use. My phone in my pocket had stopped vibrating and I was just coming to

turns that he must be somewhere.  

   " Where is he? " I asked.

  " Not with me. I haven't talked to him. " Pony answered with a sincere face.

   Relief and confusion took over. Shock was next and for no reason at all I began to sob. 

  I  am a women of composure. I had never just broke down like that in front of anyone.

  Pony had sat down next to me placing a duffel bag on the floor of the bus next to mine. I

used my long sleeve to dry up some rushed tears.

  " I called your cell phone but you didn't answer. I seen you down by the bridge. Then I seen

you head towards the bus station and well I decided...." 

    I thought quickly. 

 " What? " I asked.

  " I am going to be honest with you Erianna. " 

    Pony took my left hand in his.

  " I know why your hand is in a cast. "

 I kept my head down. Shame filled my heart. 

  " It was an accident. I fell in the shower. "

   Even I knew how lame those words sounded. I was thinking back to the E.R. nurse.

Knowing she must knew I was lying. A break like this didn't happen by falling in the shower.

The E.R. Dr. was explaining this to me just as my soon to be stalker control boyfriend came

strolling into my room acting concerned. The Dr. had continued to talk and say that the break

was fractured due to a twisting motion. Not a fall in the shower. 

   Good thing they casted it right away because I had a weapon on, on the way back home.

   " Why did you leave and sneak off to the hospital? What did you tell them? It probably isn't

even broke. They just want money from the insurance company. " His angry had echoed.

    I had sat in silence. The lit up xray had proved otherwise that had been hung in my ER

room.  I didn't care what he had to say. I already knew then I was on a mission to leave for

good. 

   " Erianna. Remember the last time we seen each other? "

   I remembered very well. Actually I thought I would never see Pony again. 

 " Remember what I said before I walked away from you? "

 

      Friends no matter what Bro...

 

   I nodded but I was not sure where he was going with this. Pony and my boyfriend had

been friends before we met. So I assumed after their fight he was not speaking to me either.

   " Erianna ... I have known him a long time. I know how he is. I grew up like you and got  

away from it, but you never left your past. It followed you. I stopped coming around because I

couldn't stand to see you go through that. I just never wanted to interfer. " 

   The tears started to well up again in my eyes. Embarrassed and surprised. My wrist started

to ache and I took my hand away from Pony's to rub but cast is what I connected with.

  " How long does it stay on? "

  " A couple more months. " I replied.

  People started reboarding the bus.

  " So where are we headed? "  Pony asked.

   " Attention everyone. Our next stop is Goodletsville Tennessee. Destination Miami Florida."

  I looked to the bus floor at our bags which lay side by side.

 " You sure you want to go? " I asked.

  " Trust me. I am positive I want to go.  

   Pony sat back showed his ticket and mine to the attendent who walked the aisle and then

gently laid his arm on the back of my seat. 

  As we pulled back out onto the highway we passed the broken down bus.

  " I wonder what happened to the bus? "

  " Yeah uh ... all I know is someone lit a cigarette and the other patrons said the bus was on

fire. The bus driver pulled over immediately. And luckily your bus came right along... " 

  I looked at Pony and knew. 

 " I could use one of those cigarrettes on the next stop. "

   Pony just grinned.

 

 

 

     

 

     

 

 

      

 

    

 

     

     

Miami Bound

 

About an hour into the busride Pony had dozed off.  So many things were on my mind. I had turned my phone off when the phone calls started one after the other. The vibrations from the cell phone were just too distracting and now that Pony sat by my side I felt better.  It was surprisingly comforting.  I was less at ease. The first thrirty minutes neither Pony nor I had spoken. That was us. Comfortable enough in a crazy situation to not feel the need to talk about it. 

Pony was the only friend of his that was actually both of ours. I was never aloud to have friends unless it was on his terms. I had took right up with Pony. He was quiet and mysterious at first. He was so different from the others. Younger although wiser than his years. The second time I met him I realised he was hiding some sort of past like mine. I just picked up on it. 

Before he went home that second night I was brave and stopped him. I didn't care if my boyfriend yelled for hours later for stopping and telling Pony how I felt.

" Hey... You can let your guard down. You're safe here. " 

I had stopped Pony short in the hallway before reaching the front door. I can't explain why I just felt I needed to say it.

 " I'm cool. I know that Bro. "

 And he got to the front door and stopped. 

" Mind if I stop by tommorow? "

" Sure. " My boyfriend had replied.

" See you tommorow Bro and you too Erianna. "

 

My boyfriend shut the door and looked at me. 

" What got into you? You never talk. Glad you know how to speak to company now. "

I stood stiff straight waiting for a blow, but he just walked away. 

Two things happened that evening. I had gained courage and won, and Pony had called me Erianna. Not Bro.

So I sat as the bus drove forward and thought about what was to come. I wondered why Pony had felt the need to follow me. A part of me was split. Was he on this bus for protecting me or my boyfriend? 

I looked over to Pony. Dark thick wavy curls covered his head. He had let it grow a little. It suited him. Clean shaven beard a shade lighter then his hair covering his head. His eyes were closed.

" I am here for you Erianna. Let your guard down. " 

I jumped up almost out of my seat and let out a soft whimper. 

Pony opened his eyes and grinned a soft smile. His eyes were golden. I never realised his eyes changed colors like mine. Mine are hazel and change from green to grey-blue. Ponys' are almost a red brown but definately Gold at this moment. I decided not to mention his eyes. I didn't want to worry about an awkward moment. 

 

" In one hour we will be reaching a stop to refuel and refresh. " The bus monitor sqeaked out. 

I felt a soft object land on my shoulder. Pony had decided to use my shoulder as a pillow. His eyes were closed and I felt exaughsted myself. I slowly leaned back in the seat and rested my head back. I closed my eyes. Sleep soon consumed me. Soon I was fast asleep.

 

***********  To be continued ************

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Tag der Veröffentlichung: 29.04.2013

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