This was a well told story, Meli, that felt very real and vivid. You drew me into the story and kept my interest throughout. I think you need some minor fine-tuning - sentence structure, etc., but apart from that, a gripping tale that captured me from beginning to end.
What a strong writer you are becoming. This story was very well written.It showed me she felt remorse, and a light in her dark life at the end.Serena
@augustus: Your comment blew me away. Thank you for the wonderful support.
@psprakash: I love the idea of drug withdrawal I honestly didn't think of it. It will make a great addition to the story. Thanks so much for the heart!
@judycolella: I was psyched that you actually read my story!! Thanks Judy!!
Thank you everyone who took the time. You guys gave me the best bday present ever! I couldn't have asked for more.
A very neatly told tale; it had a good beginning, good conflict, good middle, and good ending that tied it into a single, logical circle. It was exactly the right length for a short story, too, complete with an extremely well-considered twist. Beautiful! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D
The story was highly entertaining. The best thing about your story is the presentation. It was superb.
You did miss a few points like someone doing drugs will face immense withdrawal symptoms if they're isolated behind the bars without any drugs. You left that part out.
But owing to your overall objective, you fulfilled it splendidly. All-in-all, a grand read. I am really looking forward to your next work.
Wish you a very happy birthday!
~Prakash
Okay Birthday Girl,
You have a traditional, but still good concept (evil vs. good) for the plot. To me, that is the basis for an entertaning story.
Unlike Patrick, I was not waiting for that last shot. The reason? Because you had done such a fine job building up our little monster that the story demanded a twist or an epiphany for her at the end, and of course, you pulled it off.
You are demonstrating more and more mastery of... mehr anzeigen
@Ladymmixx: I'm so happy you liked it that much! Thanks for the heart way more than I could ask for :D
@Tigerpride: I'm not as awesome as you in the horror section, so your comment means a lot, thanks so much! And yes, I'm doing baby steps with 1st person POV. Not my comfort zone yet.
@Parisjohn: Thank you for taking the time! I really appreciate it.
@felixthecat: Thank you so much for the heart and comment. I'm glad you liked... mehr anzeigen
Good, good job, Meli. You fleshed out Reina's character very well, and your plot moved very smoothly.
I was waiting for the last gunshot there at the very end...but I so liked the redemption aspect.
Nice!
It was a good story, and I know how hard writing in the 1st person can be. Nice twist with bringing the girl back. Job well done.
