I love the concept of 'Beyond the Wall'. You have managed to capture my imagination & intrigue.

I LUUUHVE dystopian stuff, so this is perfect for me!! It's so original and refreshing, especially the bits abut the different animals which was just awesome. I can't really fault this... Seriously, it's so cool (not a very useful critique I know!! Hahaha I'm no help =P). Lemme know when some more is up coz I am hooked.

Wait wait wait wait..... Anna has blonde hair.... i thought that the only people "beyond the wall" were, as you call it, "darks?" I'm so confused.

The story itself is fascinating, imaginative, and full of promise. Before you go any further, though, you should go into the Edit mode. When you do, you'll see a lot of words with a red line under them. These are the ones you misspelled. Just highlight and right-click each one, and the correct spelling will pop up. Click on the corrected word and it will replace the misspelled one. Some of the words you use are ones that have a different meaning than what you meant - you either spelled it phonetically or used a homonym for the one you should have used. You also change tense a lot, and have many run-on sentences.

So here's what I recommend. If the story isn't already in a Word document, copy and paste it into one, use the spell/grammar check to fix all the obvious mistakes, and then sit down with someone who you know is really good with grammar and spelling, and who you trust to be honest and helpful.

Once these problems are corrected, delete the story in the form it is now, and replace it with the corrected version. When you do that, you'll have one heck of a great story that I really, really hope you continue, because it's flat-out awesome.

Hope this helps, and the best of luck with it - you have genuine story-telling talent!

I like what you have so far. You do have some grammatical errors though. The combinations of the animals were pretty cool, I liked that part. Keep up the good work.

This was pretty cool! You brought out the scenery quite well, and it was quite easy to feel what she felt. Fantastic! I especially like the combinations of animals. Reminds me of Avatar. 8)

Something I noticed: You switched between the perspectives of first and third person. One might be best, unless you choose to do Chapter 2 in the view of the boy.

I liked your book Ashley! Are you going to write more?

You really need to write more Ashley. It's killing me not knowing what's going to happen and not being able to find out!

YOU NEED TO WRITE MORE!!!! GET OUT OF WRITER'S BLOCK NOW!!!!!

i like the book "Beyond The Wall".