Cronus was banished to Tartarus by his children: zeus, Poseidon, Hades so my story is slightly inaccurate. In mythology he was defeated and locked in Tartarus because his wife tricked him into eating a stone instead of his son Zeus who then overthrew him. Anyway thanks for reading. ;)

Hey, thanks for such a detailled critique I am taking it all in and will act upon it as soon as I get back from holiday, punctuation has always been my Achilles' heel and it is a problem I face whilst writing.
This piece was a bit rushed ao I know it needs polish but Timur advised me to write something for the competition and to get known on the site.
Anyway thank you again for the time you spent commenting I am very grateful.

Thank you all for comments I was both flattered and pleased to receive such generous comments, i will improve it but have very bad internet atm...

You, my friend, have superb writing skills. Though you've got to smooth out the edges, I'd say you're a diamond in the rough! Just like your friend Timur ;)

Amazing job!

However, I have several critiques:

There are spots you seem to have forgotten some punctuation, or words. This really disrupts the mature and almost perfect tone of your work.

If you read through the story yourself, you'll probably find most of the mistakes. And if not, think, "Why does this make sense? Why is this(sentence, description, etc.) here?"

Also, when the old man is fighting off the rats, I'm not completely sure if they are rats or some good for nothing kids trying to cause trouble. Make sure you make it clear what they are! You don't want to confuse the reader, which can cause he or she to skip ahead several paragraphs.

And be careful you don't switch between present and past-tense. This can really, really befuddle the reader and give them an opportunity to consider putting the book down.

Last of all, though your writing is excellent and superb is every way, you should also know when you've put too much character thought/poetic descriptions of feelings in. I really love how you mold your perfectly chosen words into images, but there comes a point where you need some action. This piece seems more of a sober, thoughtful work, and the lengthy paragraphs seem to fit, though they are a bit too long in spots.

Overall, a very intriguing bit of work you've got here! Well done. Of course some of the language is a bit strong for me, but that aside, a very creative story! I enjoyed the ending tremendously.

Amazing job!
Keep writing!

---RbG

Not exactly my genre, but well written and well edited. Interesting plot. Makes you want to find out what is going to happen next.

I might have missed it, but why had Cronus been banished to this world? You could elaborate a little more on that.

Though the tense switching made things a bit awkward, the rest was great. your work is very imaginative and elaborate. This shows so much potential. I never saw the end coming, but I like that Titus the protagonist, it adds so much to his perspective on the degradation of humanity. writing, I'll look at more of your work once you post some up
-Angely

There is much to like with this story - lots of originality, stylish phrasing and interesting descriptions. A minor point is the tense switches occasionally from present to past (e.g., my bottle was my heart). Might be better to keep everything in present as that is used in the majority.
I would also like to see some attempt at dialogue. There are times when a break from the narrative, good as it is, would be welcome.
Overall, very promising, interesting and worth the read. Well done!

Once you get a nice edit to clean up the punctuation and a few typos, this will be a truly formidable story. I read the earlier draft, and reading it now, I can say that I am speechless. Your writing, my friend, continues to take my breath away (I think that you've managed to make it as good as your mountain piece ;))

It's just a mixture of originality, sublime writing and deep emotion; everything that a writer always wants to have. As a rival, I'm afraid of you. As a friend, I'm proud of you ;)