This is a nice piece of work and research. It covers a lot of ground and does it pretty well... but a careful consideration might be made of some of the descriptions. A good editing wouldn't leave a man dying in the woods with his blood dripping "on the floor".

Little inconsistencies of place, or even punctuation, can make a reader think about something other than the story you've crafted so carefully. And they are the basics of any good writing.

Since your talent is clear, this is the only area that needs work.

I only have two categories for works: readable and not. You are clearly in the VERY READABLE ~ so get to work and clean this puppy up!

You have my vote!

Thanks loads for the reading and for voting. I'm becoming overwhelmed with some of these comments.

...and inspired.

This was one of the best I've read. Your descriptive words held me through the sometimes longer than usual sentences. This is the only place where I would edit. Excellent writing with a different look at an ancient war. The rain that stretched the winding on the bow was a brilliant touch. Vote!./joeparente

Thanks for taking time out to read and vote, and good luck to you in the competition. :)

Wow, what an eloquent comment!
I'm so glad you liked it and i am blown away by your feedback and to recieve your vote.
Thanks so much. :)

You can research until Hades freezes over, chart your scenes and overall plot all you like, but if you haven't really entered into the story side by side with your character(s), you become just another reporter.
I love historical fiction, but more so a tale well-told. You did your research well and then took this reader by the hand into the field of battle. Riveting. Your command of the language is excellent. Everything about Bad Omen shouts "Excellence". A vote here!

My first comment from a guy...
AND your name's Guy! - Cool :)

Thanks ever so much for the vote and the great comment. I'll have to look up Mary R's work to see if your right and i'll take it as a big compliment.
But time, is a reletive thing and there is so much of it to explore...

Thanks loads for taking the time to read.
Kade

I enjoyed your story very much. It is captivating and leaves the reader wanting more. The first part reminded me of Mary Renault's novels. She wrote a lot of historical fiction based on Ancient Greece. If you have never read her you may want to check out one of her books. Best of luck to you in the contest.

What a wonderful compliment comming from yourself.
Thankyou for reading and hearting my story. I'll be trying hard to make the next installment as good as i can, and i have recieved so much inspiration from you and all the other comments.
Thank you.

You certainly left me wanting to know more, of Octavia, her reason for being there and on how on earth did she go back. Really intriguing beginning. The first few pages I was iffy at first of whether it would grasp my attention completely but it did.

I enjoyed the dark symbolism, the metaphors and not to mention your wording. I actually learn new words after reading this, hooray! I was hoping for "him" to make it through and have something to do with Octavia, but that's part of the reason of wanting to know more. You have a great premise and I cannot wait to see how you continue it. I had never seen this kind of crossover and if there are some... I surely never read them.

Favorite line: "By Athenes, I've been killed by a woman!" Priceless!!!!!!

Blessings
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