It's strong and brave, Timmi.

I agree with kingfisher. I do not care for the redundancy. You have good story telling quality and build suspence nicely. Maybe fix a few things while you can and hope for a win.

An interesting read - how much wetter could the rain get - it saturated the novel and made it very eerie as anly rain can. I reccomend it - JOHN

Hi Timmi,

I've given your work a read. Very interesting read. I loved your poetic additions. Clever. The story interested me till the end.

Tips:

Pg 5: ...Wind lashed their rain soaked branches scratching, scratching wipers skidded across falling leaves now glued to the glass... I think there are some tense issues in this sentence. 'Falling' and 'scratching'.

Pg 5: ...Roadside cafe's are awful places... 'are' should be 'were'.

Pg 6: ...The waitress lent across the counter staring into space, ready to be the first willing victim... First, lent should be leant (past tense of lean), also 'staring' should be 'stared'.

Pg 9: ...I turn the pages slowly, slower and check the headlines... This is now written in present tense, though you've set my expectation of past tense reading.

Pg 9: ...I muttered apologies to the waitress; who brings a mop and clears up... Here 'brings' should be 'brought' and 'clears' should be 'cleared'.

I won't point out any further tense errors but you should do a thorough edit based on tense.

I voted for your e-book because you have a different style of writing your story. I will send you a message for my suggestions. Good luck in the contest!

This book really held my attention from the beginning till the end! I was actually nerves the hole time wondering what was gonna happen. I enjoyed reading it. Hope u write some more

lisa

playing tricks. Did I not understand - do I read this totally linear - or was the ending really the middle? Well, you got me on this one, Timmi...as always, a good read - great descriptions ...Paula

great read

This book is more about love and life than it is about dying and death. ...The death is surrounded in mystery...you got my vote.

. . .is not the easiest thing to do but this one works well. Short stories have to grab you quick and leave you hanging. this one certainly does. I voted for you.