Wichtiger Beitrag
Very well written, and despite the fact that I have no true form of writing style, I saw a lot of my own thoughts spilling out across the page as I read your story.
It is very refreshing to see someone of my own age being of such a level of skill, I have found only one peer in this, him being my brother. I hope to have the opportunity to read more of your writings and possibly to conversate. It would also delight me if you would review mine and share your thoughts on it. It's a bit more poetic and philosophical but maybe you will be able to spot the similarities as well.
The only thing that I can fault is the repetitive use of words that I myself have an issue with. As for the remedy, just go through it several times and find synonyms to round out your articulation. Aside from that, this is a very good story. Having been to such a place due to my parents soliciting less than lawful activities, I can say that the image you drew of the ward was very accurate.
I'm flattered :]. I find that most people our age have huge issues with punctuation and grammar. On a forum I moderate, I posted the prologue to a book I wrote last November. There was a girl a year younger than me that ogled at it and asked if I would help her with her story.... mehr anzeigen
I'm flattered :]. I find that most people our age have huge issues with punctuation and grammar. On a forum I moderate, I posted the prologue to a book I wrote last November. There was a girl a year younger than me that ogled at it and asked if I would help her with her story. Long story short, I had to teach her what a fragment was and when using one enhances a piece of writing.
Thanks for the honest advice, too. While writing the story, I realized a lot of my faults, but most of it was written between the hours of 1 and 4 AM; I was too lazy to go fix it. I feel bad making changes to it, too, now that it's entered into the contest.
Also, I'd like to add that I hate psych wards. I'm really quite sorry your parents put you in a position where you had to experience the horror.