I sincerely thank you for this vote, my friend. I'm fortunate there are readers such as you on this site. Thanks again.

Reggie

well written story,voted.

Hi Reggie,

I think you have a lovely writing style. Very poetic. You string words together to form beautiful writing.

Some points:

Pg 7: ...The pain I feel from the two that struck me is small and unimportant, compared with the unbearable pain of watching... Now I might be off track here, but your story seems to be in present tense, so 'feel', 'is', 'watching' so I think 'compared' too should be in present tense, so perhaps 'in comparison' is the right wording, what do you think?

Pg 7: ...her breathing is short now, yet, I'm startled, as she squeezes my hand with all her strength... again tense.. 'I'm startled' should be 'I startle'.

Pg 9: ..."Yes, Sam. I'll w-wait for you. My l-love... The dialogue goes on. I think your expression of her stuttering would still have sufficiently showed her fear, or her dying if you kept the written form of it to perhaps two words, rather than six. I think the six takes away from plausibility.

I think you should have a look at your use of adverbs and adjectives, checking to see if they really add something or would the sentence work just as well without them. For example (Pg 13) ...Life-long memories begin coming rapidly to me now... could carry the same message and tighten your writing. ...Life-long memories come to me now... You could probably even do away with 'Life-long'.

Same with the 'Bolding' and 'Italising'. I think you are worrying the reader won't get the point, but readers are smart and if your writing is good enough, it should carry your message without needing this, which your's is.

I think you have provided a great hook at the end of chapter one, taking us into chapter two.

Good luck,

Bek :)

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I read your story and was suitably impressed. For an ex-cop you write exceedingly well and with great and vivd imagination. Cudos to you.

As to the genre of western writing, it has diminished into a background category picked up by the romance and historical fiction genre. There is still a market for it but you will have to look around in the market guides to find it. When you do, it will not pay well given its limited appeal to the public at the moment. What I would suggest is making the story a lot longer into a historical fiction mode. That will gain you the respect you deserve. It would be interesting to see you portray the law in the old wild west days, wars and all. That would give you a knowledgeable grasp of the subject of life/death and dying to add to your novels given your present time background.

A few comments: minor problems with punctuation a copy editor could iron out; also, put in a real time date in the second chapter where he goes back in memory to the start of his life. I wouldn't put the date in on the first chapter given it will give away the story too soon. Nice work!

Further note: I was really tempted to suggest you choose a different title. I had this one pop into my head "The Long Road Home". It reminds be of what lays ahead at the end of the road. No matter how a life is lived we all eventually return to the only home that matters.