I came back and voted. Serena

A tantalizing story you have written Tonya. The fact that it was based on a true story is even more chilling. I was surprised on how strong the little girl was at such a young age even despite the fact of what she had gone through on her way home. Then you throw that kind of an ending and you actually come to realize why.

I like how it flows. Up to the climatic point. You gave names to each character making them feel important and I also liked that. It was a great and frightening story.

Blessings,

Meli

I was so bothered with the fact that her mother didn't believe her.A hard thing to have to live through, and the damage this horrendous act left behind.Serena

A very heart wrenching story and one that needs to be told. It would work well in proper educational setting using the questions you have at the end for starting discussion. You have the storyline, but I would tell the story to build the drama and show what the young girl is feeling more about this. fFor example: page 9. "Destiny senses something is wrong but she does not know what to do. End that sentence. and begin. what does happen. maybe... The man takes her hand and they beging walking. She notice ... what ever. Her heart is beating fast. She pushes back tears. She notices...ect.

Usingshort sentences as her fear increases to the climax point helps the scene become vivid. Terror rips this one to the core. You can do it. A story well worth an effort that I sense you can do as a good writer. I look forward to reading this again, somewhere, and other of your work.

Such a sad,sad story. The child was dealt a cruel, hard lesson in more ways than one. I pray deeply, that she was able to move on from this heart breaking event.
Chris