The beginning is a bit rushed and you could still work on it later. You could put to better use the first person perspective and explore the main characters personality and opinions of the surrounding world.
At first I didn't knew what to think about the plot but it's starting to develop quite nicely: love triangle, power strugle, personal happiness vs duty, sacrifice for the sake of others. Really beautiful underlying... mehr anzeigen
The beginning is a bit rushed and you could still work on it later. You could put to better use the first person perspective and explore the main characters personality and opinions of the surrounding world.
At first I didn't knew what to think about the plot but it's starting to develop quite nicely: love triangle, power strugle, personal happiness vs duty, sacrifice for the sake of others. Really beautiful underlying motives. I can't wait to see how the story develops.
Very good idea to use multiple perspectives. It gives a better understanding of the characters.
The scene with Amen seems a bit rushed. Even if it's love at first sight it should still have some development stages. The scene with Cornelius on the other hand was brilliant.
There are some spelling mistakes and tenses coordination problems but that can be solved later.
The descriptions are sometimes lacking and sometimes to detailed. With practice you'll figure out on your own where you need more details and where you don't.
You seem aware of the fact that literature is not just a historical chronic of events, but a medium of presenting ideas, concepts, a way of sending a message. That's a basic.
All you need know is a lot of practice. Write a lot. Practice makes perfect.
Hope the muses bless you with inspiration.
P.S. In case you didn't figure it out yet: Yes, I like it.