I like how you built this story. Using the italics definitely set up the dream state so I didn't have a hard time catching the flow between waking and dreaming. I loved the phrase 'halogen moon'. Good descriptions. I thought it very well written even though horror is not my genre. Thank you!
I've seem you give reviews and liked the thoughtfulness so I wanted to read your story. It's a good short story and once you got to the action it went really well. The dream sequences threw me. You changed tense and I couldn't get into it as much as I wanted to. You're doing great though, keep it up!!
Awesome story. Very compelling, realistic and the characters are easy to identify with. I think the character build is very well done. :)
Thanks so much, Candy, your comments and time mean so much to me.
Bek :)
thuis book was really good kept me enthralled to the last page. Well done Author
Hi Peacedance,
Thanks so much for looking over my story. I am always very happy and eager to get feedback.
Yes, the transition between dream and story time is tricky, and I knew I was taking a risk in losing or confusing the reader. I had hoped that by using tools like the italics... mehr anzeigen
Hi Peacedance,
Thanks so much for looking over my story. I am always very happy and eager to get feedback.
Yes, the transition between dream and story time is tricky, and I knew I was taking a risk in losing or confusing the reader. I had hoped that by using tools like the italics and the change in tense that this would smooth it out for the reader, but in your read you felt like perhaps it made it more difficult and confusing. I'll wait and see what other feedback I get on this, I may look at changing the tense down the track if I get enough confusion.
The dream sequence was the opening and then it changed to real time, but you've said the dream sequence confused you, do you mean the change over into real time confused you, because that's when you would have noticed the tense change. Yes, then later I go back to the dream sequence twice, and in both instances there is a change back to present tense, returning to past when the dream is over.
Bek :)