Hi Valerie,

Thanks so much for your quick read.

I had a few queries on your queries, I hope its okay with you for me to explore this a little more closely.

Page 1: "Mara loves animals. Should be "loved" for the tenses to be correct.

This sentence doesn't make sense: "The idea of being close to them filled. . ."

"Corner of his cage; his tail." Incorrect use of semicolon.

Page 7: "She'd been home a few hours, now." No comma needed after hours.

"She thought back to the shelter, Fran had left her. . . " (Sentence runs on).

I deliberately chose 'loves' because though the story is set in past tense I felt that Mara still 'loves' animals. Now, I've been picked up on doing it your way by others, but only when I'm referring to something more global, like her love of animals; as summising she's still alive, then she she still loves animals. That 'love' is a continuous verb. So, I really want to get this right. What do you think?

And, on the note - no comma between 'hours' and 'now', one of the other bookrix users told me I needed commas prior to things like 'now', 'thought, 'anyway' and some others. I am quite confused on this issue. Thinking about it I don't see why I should be putting a comma, as 'now' isn't really a separate 'subordinate phrase' because it modifies 'home'. So I will remove it. Are there words you can think of that do require the comma at the end of the sentence just prior to the last word? I'm wondering if I mistook the advice.

I'll check out your other two suggestions. Thanks so much for taking the time to provide feedback. It is really valuable and though it can be uncomfortable for the provider because they may feel people will think they're picky, it is actually extremely valuable and we don't grow as writers without it.

Bek :)

Hi Bek. I enjoyed your story very much. I am sure it is a very true awakening for teenagers who want to work with animals and I wish you luck in the contest.

There were a couple of minor nitpicks that I found, and I won't mention them all....but will point out a couple for you.

Page 1: "Mara loves animals. Should be "loved" for the tenses to be correct.

This sentence doesn't make sense: "The idea of being close to them filled. . ."

"Corner of his cage; his tail." Incorrect use of semicolon.

Page 7: "She'd been home a few hours, now." No comma needed after hours.

"She thought back to the shelter, Fran had left her. . . " (Sentence runs on).

Anyway, you probably overlooked a few grammatical errors and have plenty of time to go back and fix them.

Again, all the very best. Valerie

Another good one...but I don't like the formatting Bek. Check your indents and gaps between para's. Love your writing.