Touching...so sad
I have a similar type of short...'the old pump...no votes , just feedback

I found this very powerful. A disturbing read considering the subject.
Having had no previous knowledge of anorexia I found it very compelling, which was surely your intention. Excellently written. You have a good style about you.
Got my vote
Writingmum

I liked it, it was good but kind of confusing. I didn't read the back to start with and didn't understand what was going on well. Sorry. But, if you work on it I think that it could be a hit!

Olivia.pen
P.S. Love the cover!!

Okay the English is good and I like the way Jessie's thoughts and emotions flow into each other. I cant much say that I know a lot about the subject though I once dated an anoerexic gal.

Sadly though I never understood her although I wanted to, just like people seldom try to. WE tend to treat them as inconveniences instead of seeing it as a condition. I think chocking on air succeeds in getting people to realize this.

What I don't get is where the tale is going. Is this like part of a series or the beginning of a story?

I love the title, how do you come up with them?

At someone with a distorted image of her body. Unable to relate to the issue personally, I can say that the character voices and actions all feel very realistic. No big issue, but, there are a few places where you uses commas in sentences that could very well be two sentences on their own. Something about the language and the situation would make fragments more effective. It would add to Jessie's wanting to be able to get away from this place.

I found it interesting that she didn't have any kind of stomach cramps or numbness from not eating; or some other physical condition. As I said, I don't know much about it. :-)

Something I did like. No description of how thing Jessie is. This is left wide open to the imagination of the reader. The story in of itself is told very well. Good work!

I see you've rewritten it since I first read it. The character is better developed. I could really sense Jessie's isolation, as well as the frustration of her family as they struggle with something they can't understand. Good job!

Hi Rebekah, I really enjoyed the concept of your story. I liked it how you had it in present tense so really felt you were there in the cafeteria.

There are a couple of mistakes I spotted.
On page 9, you have a splice comma when you say "My resolve is robust, I do not order." You should change it to a semicolon or start a new sentence.

On page 10, you have quotation marks after the sentece "Mum pats my hand from across the table." Also, you sometimes don't have any comma befor Jessie's name when she is being directly addressed. You will also see that sometimes you capitalise words coming in to dialgue when you don't have to because you haven't finished the previous part of the dialogue.

You really sucked me in to the story and I greatly enjoyed it. Congrats.

I didn't know you could vote if you were in the competition. Any who you got an extra vote here. Thanks for your critique.

Hey, I just read your story and you seemed to be looking for feedback. There were a few errors I caught, but they were pretty minor. The writing style was a little strange for me at first, but after a while I really started getting into the character. Though this story goes deeper than I understand, I thought the main character was strange. I mean that in a good way. The odd remarks she kept making made me want to hear what she would say next. Very well written.

I've also been looking to get someone to read my story. I hope that you'll do so. I've been searching for someone to critique it for months. I would love to have a writer of your caliber give me some advice. Please don't hold back, I want to be the best writer I can be. Anyone else can help out by reading my story also. Thank you.

Link to book is below:

http://www.bookrix.com/_title-en-shawn-troutman-the-withering-rose

very beautiful it was nice very nice.