Hi Bek,

Voted and saved:)

Lee:)

Hi Rebekah, well you certainly nailed the subject of ‘food’ in this one, with I must say, a very unusual angle. Anorexia is a hard subject to get your head around but you have portrayed it very well. Well done for giving us a glimpse of the trauma and tension surrounding this sad illness in so few words...Carol x

Hi Rebeka,

The storyline is good it demonstrates our mental state for gaining weight and become a result of eating disorders and anxieties…you have my vote and a star. Please when you get a chance, read by entry in the contest A Deadly Drive-by a small story but compelling.

Linda B

The tension was as penetrating as all the little fatty molecules in the air. I felt like I needed to apply another layer of sunscreen while reading :).

I noticed two little blips, I think. On the first page (although I'm not sure if I'm right, except read it out loud and see what you think), try dropping the word 'for'.
Last page the sentence should read "They've planned 'their' placement".

Voted and saved.

Good luck in the contest!

Robin

Makes you think and understand the problems associated with disorders.

This ending fits...It has hope for the patient taking control and also shows more of the sister's attitude...great job!...Paula

I liked it before and your edits have made this story even better. The tension between the mother and daughters is almost unbearable.

A concise piece tackling a common issue among the youth and portraying the emotions of the eating disorder victims in general. Well done. Voted.

Thank you for participating in our
fiction writing contest "My Best Fiction".

______
BookRix - your place to read, write and
network free literature on the Internet.

I thought that "Choking On Air" was a wonderful story. i like how I could kind of understand what Jessie was feeling, even though I've never felt it myself. for example, when Jessie talked about how she thought her skin could absorb stuff...I understood. I know i did a bad job of giving feedback...sorry.