Your story provides an interesting storyline about the the one girl's disorder. It's a topic people need to consider.

I'm having trouble understanding the second sentence on page one. You might want to consider revising it. On page seven, I notice that you have the past and present tense in the same paragraph.

I wish you much success with your story.

I enjoyed the story also. The errors I saw in weak ending and the typo on pg 7 were addressed in previous comments. You did a good job bringing Jessie's feelings to the table. Good work.

A good short story that clearly tells what came before and what lies ahead.

A nicely written story. I can understand the sibling feelings that can turn against one another. Jessie's expression of thoughts clearly brings out that. It is true sometimes even the smell of food can trickle our sensitive nerves. Keep writing.

Hi Miranda,

Thanks for that feedback. I agree the ending was weak. Thanks for the kick up the butt. Lol... I've changed it, you should check it out. I like it.

Bek :)

This is a scary story Rebekah. You capture so well both Jessie's fears and the hopelessness and anger of her family. One point: in the blurb you say that Jessie is "convinced" to join them whereas I think a better word would be "persuaded".
The last sentence is a bit lame I think - "With that I leave the hospital cafeteria". Maybe you could make it more dramatic or tragic. Rather than just "leave" you could perhaps use a word or phrase to indicate both Jessie's determination and her frailty, which would highligh the sadness of the situation. Like, "my head held high, I walk shakily from" Something like that. Anyway it's just a thought. Really good and disturbing piece.