I don’t fear anything since I forced my heart to accept everything; such as: love, pain, hate, hurt, and death.

Hope? I don’t look forward to anything anymore. Why? because when you look for something you're creating a path for yourself. If you keep walking that path all you get is darkness and things that are in it. Darkness leads to misunderstanding. Misunderstanding leads to truth. Truth leads to pain. Pain leads to conflict. Conflict leads to hatred. This is one path you don’t want to take in life because, I have. And I’m sick of it. I, my own self is a path that is surrounded by darkness and no light will penetrate it. No matter which way I turn there is hurt or someone trying to make me happy. Well when we laugh it separates the grief that’s in us. But when we stop laughing the grief comes back to us. What is a reason for a childish path. The ones who follow a path is foolish and taken over by it. So all I’m saying is don’t make people smile because that may be the last thing you might see.

I wish I didn’t have pain then I wouldn’t feel the way I feel towards people. Also what’s the point of hope, it’s only temporary towards our existence...

My greatest skill is making people laugh. I mean I don’t like to, but it’s what makes me feels like I exist. I don’t like to have a purpose for my existence. Yet I’m at war with my heart while everybody else is at war with something different.

What’s worth not feeling pain through love? I sincerely don’t really know what else to say towards this journal too. But there is nothing that’s worth it in this world. So if you’re disgusted with me, I’m a mirror that only reflects your disgusts and pain. I’ll be silence or talk just know when I do so you’ll never be able to comprehend what I’m going through or what everybody else is going through.

One thing that makes me smile is death. Only knowing that we're not gonna be here long puts a smile on my face. Only true peace is through death. And the fact how we can’t escape it should put a smile on your face since your day would come too. If you think I’m a boy who is ruled by his emotions. That’s fine. For one you think you’ll change my view on this world, my life and school you’ll never understand.

I honestly don’t feel proud of anything anymore since it’s only temporary. It is like love, hope, and trust. It’s pretty said nobody can replenish these things even though they try so hard to do so. But I do feel proud of death knowing one day it will come to take us all from this pain. Love creates pain. If you love something so much you will only hurt it more. Tragic loses because of love. For one feels this pain and they want to run and hide from it. You can’t hide from something that will breed only new pains. Especially living by yourself. that will only make things worst for you. So what’s the only logical solution for this feeling. It’s definitely not running from it again. So there’s only death because no one else will help you since nobody really cares that you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy

List 25 things you will never do:
1.Cause pain
2. love
3.hurt others
4.make new friends
5.be a friend
6.be loved
7.not be understood
8.be myself because you can’t be yourself in this world since you are everybody else
9.be here
10.try anymore
11.trust anymore
12.meaningless activities or work of any kind
13.want a family
14.fight
15.laugh
16.talk
17.cry
18.leave you
19.love you
20.be like you
21.be happy
22.selfish
23.believe in hope
24.believe in a god that takes what’s precious to you
25.SEE YOU AGAIN

Write about one of your most embarrassing moments.
I can’t be embarrassed at all. Even if you’d tried to embarrass me like hell. Then you would fail miserably.

Understanding
When people are protecting something truly special to them they can become… As strong as they can be. Just by living people hurt others without even realizing it. So long as humanity exists hate will also exist. There is no peace in this cursed world. War is just a crime paid for by the pain of the defeated.