I could imagine that heart warming feelings you felt on that day. Thanks for sharing your experience through your story. good luck and best wishes.

Thanks for letting me know about my book, I corrected the problem. I liked your "My First Sneeze" very much; an interesting perspective.
Ev

You told this story so beautifully. The detail about the doll's dress brought home so clearly your daughter's fragility.
Good luck!
bettyc

From one mother to another with a living premature child, I share your awe

You captured a whole world of emotions, in a little over 1 page. Congratulations on that, and the obvious joy and love you have for your healthy daughter.

Beautifully put in so few words! I'm impressed.

I remember my niece when she was born weighing less than the baby in the book. This is a good opening for the rest of the story.

It was really a pleasurable story. although short, I could understand clearly the feelings that you wanted to share.
As for errors, all that noticed was the repeating of "tiny". Try using a synonym dictionary next time when you are searching. I do that all the time. It also helps over time in improving your vocabulary.
Good luck in the contest.

Thank you for participating in our short
story writing contest "Family Stories".

The Librarian

Miranda,

a wonderful story you chose to share with us. Filled with deep, heartfelt passion, we sense the distress you and your husband suffered. Great writing, my friend.

I'm not that gifted when it comes to finding errors, however, there are several areas where you can improve your writing.

First: be extremely careful when using filler words such as: 'that', 'and', 'but'...there are a lot more words you should avoid using whenever you can safely do so.

I'll make a couple of suggestions for you and you can do whatever you wish with them:

Avoid repeating the same word in close proximity to a previous one. For instance, in the first two lines, you used 'tiny' twice.

When you used 'tiny' the first time, the readers know what you mean. Using it in the next sentence is too close to the first. Try exchanging the second one with 'small', or another, or, similar word with the same meaning.

In the ninth line, place comma after 'her' and another comma after 'could'.

I really enjoyed this story and what a treat to learn she's now twenty-one. Congratulations on the child...and on your story. Great work.

Reggie