It was good but i cant relate to the ending

the end left me hanging but it is good

...and to the others who have "saved to favorites".
Best to you all :)
Robin

...for stopping by and reading my story. I appreciate your heart-felt comments very much.
My best :)
Robin

...for taking the time to read and offer these helpful suggestions.
This was a story (my first 'short story')I entered in an earlier contest, and to be honest...I haven't opened it in quite awhile.
With the great advice I'm receiving, I'll be able to make some of these changes when I open it back up again. I like it enough to put that effort into it, and want to thank you, and everyone else who has offered reviews, critiques and words of encouragement. You are all very much appreciated!

My best
Robin

...for your wonderful review, critique, and the great words of encouragement.
I like this story enough (although it isn't the one that was entered in that contest...this was in an earlier contest), that I will take all of your advice, as well as the other things I've been picking up from the site and re-do this book. I've set it aside for the time being, and I believe I'll be able to make those adjustments a lot more easily now that I'm not sick to death of reading it repeatedly. I'll use fresh eyes next time i take it to the editing room.

Many, many thanks for taking your time to do this.

Best to you always,
Robin

I appreciate you taking the time to read this story and comment.
I'm glad you liked Annie's 'special treat' line...although I really don't feed my dogs burgers...:)
I love to make people cry. I wonder if that's a terrible thing(?).
Best to you, and with your wonderful writing. I'm enjoying your work tremendously!
Best,
Robin

...you're a very supportive and kind person. I'm happy to have you as a friend..:)
Your comments are much appreciated,
Robin

The feeling of your story shines through your prose. I would offer this suggestion, though. You have too many characters. Think about whether there is a need for siblings other than Dana and also whether it's necessary to the story that the mother cheats on the stepfather. Basically, it's not a good family, and maybe you could imply this more subtley? The narrator and Dana save each other from what would otherwise have been a relentlessy horrible childhood, and I think you should focus on fewer, but more thorough, interactions between them in their past and make everyone else peripheral.
Nice story. I especially like the last paragraph. Good way to end it.

Hi Lovingempath,

I am so sorry to read and now see, that you have removed your story from the family stories contest. I don't know how many votes you had, but I do know that it should be remembered your story was entered earlier than loads of others, so you should not feel bad about your vote level.

People voted for what they wanted and they obviously liked yours. I didn't read your story till now so I cannot compare it to how it was prior to edits but I'll tell you in a moment what I think of it now.

I really want to impart to you the importance of not holding yourself back. We are our own worsed enemy, and other than the normal edit items, which I'll read and comment on, we can't control the tastes of others. I know I've found a person gave me a so-so review and then on a story I thought was so-so, they've given high applause, and I believe firmly that comes down to a matter of taste.

We are all learning all the time. You can continue to develop your craft and voice may be one of your chosen areas to improve but that doesn't mean you don't have talent and I sincerely wish you hadn't removed your story from the contest. I wish you could have it reinstated with votes kept.

Okay, now I'll read.

I think your protagonist's dog, Annie, was loved in the same way I love my cats, and I love those human additions that build up characterisation.

Your story is marvellously told. You've really captured the identity of your protagonist and I like her.

I would have voted for your story, now. I can feel your protagonist's love for her sister and I feel so sad that she might never have got to tell her these things and that she might never have met Annie.

I've heard shorter paragraphs break up the writing and keep interest/concentration alive for the reader. This might be something you could look at.

Some minor grammatical errors, we all have those and it doesn't seem to matter how many times we edit. Lol...

You are a wonderful writer, please, keep writing. I am always still studying even as I write. At the moment I'm reading 'Characters, Emotion & Viewpoint' by Nancy Kress. Soon I'll take up another, maybe 'Description & Setting' by Ron Rozelle. We should always continue improving, but that doesn't mean our work right now is unworthy. Listen to your readers.

Goodluck,

Bek :)