Hi Lily,

I love your cover art.

I was a little confused by your transition marks.

You've set the scene well, and shown his character, but I feel I know little of her, your protag. I think she is intuitive and inquisitive. Later she really comes to life though, so well done.

You have a way with your words though, and you do weave some magic. I think you've picked your scenes well, only writing what's needed and leaving out what isn't.

You've built tension well. I think you are a very talented writer, you most definately have my vote.

You've created so much intensity, yet I didn't know what was happening to her.

I love 'the coat of many colours'. I am glad you have not spelt this one out. It is good to let the reader guess at it. I loved 'the hollow voice of vacancy'.

What a writer indeed. Well done. The best I've read on here in a long time.

Bek :)