this book is amazing!

lv it

thx 4 the read

ssc2

whats the news as far as a second book?? i can't wait to read more lol!!

wow!! amazing.. i've read many books but no ones ever come close to your story plot! it kept me guessing the whole way through.. wow!

I look forward to seeing more on this. It was extremely good!

I look forward to seeing more on this. It was extremely good!

i really loved this book you will make a great author ..hope you right more

When I originally uploaded this file it was quite legible. I see know that the book is smaller. There is a zoom out option to increase the size. I wish I had a way to replace the pdf file but as of yet I haven't been able to.

I would have loved to have read your book, but the font was so tiny I could not see a thing. Maybe you could make it larger?

Given that this is such a long book, I'm not going to go over it in great detail, page by page. But I will comment on primarily one issue that struck me:

You give a lot of detail, but very little description. There is a very big difference between the two. You describe the characters' movements in great detail, for example, at the beginning: getting the brandy after the bad dream,telling where the brandy is kept and for what purpose. I think you could just simply tell the reader that she had to have a drink to steady her nerves. We don't need to know what she drank or where she keeps it. That sort of detail slows the plot.

The same could be said about all the walking she does. I don't really see why the reader has to go on all these excursions with her. She has something on her mind that is causing her pain and so she concentrates on tracking a mountain lion. I suggest you either shorten this, or give more description of her excursions. For example, it wasn't until page 8 that I realized that a desert was the setting.

I actually think you could start the story on page 8, when the lion shifts and they start to talk. In a few lines you could give the background of how hard she worked to find him.

Think about making use of metaphors and similes and other figures of speech. The reader can feel the pain she's in when you describe her as doubling over, but consider making her feel like she's been hit by a bus or something like that.

I like how you use flashbacks to tell her story, but be careful of so many things happening in dreams. You want to be very careful of having your main character fall asleep so often. It stops the plot.

I can sum up my advice to you very simply, but I think actually doing it is rather difficult: write for the active reader. Don't put every movement a character makes into the book. Assume that the reader can figure out things for himself.

For every sentence you write, ask yourself: is this necessary? does this have to be in here in order to tell the story?

For examples of the best writing I've seen on this site so far, read Allison Duggar's (tuesdaymorning) book and ljallen's book Abduction. I also just started a book in your genre yesterday by crystalwizard, forget the name of it, but if you go to my profile page, all three of these are in my favorites. They all employ words magically.

I hope it's ok that I've given you such blunt feedback. But when I read over the stuff I put in the first draft of the novel I've written I just think "Holy Pete!" I wish I had known about this site sooner, because I had to sort of fix it on my own and I feel that I've lost a lot of time. Still have a long way to go, but hey, I think this is a never-ending project.