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S.P. Johnson Jr.

Good story, Laz.
Have you considered transposing the first two sentences? With that staccato style of presentation, it's nice to have even little events presented according to their timeline. It's really not a big deal at all, just how my mind works.
In all, well done.

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lazarus67

Thank you ladies! I guess it helps to have a mind of a pre-teen, when writing about a nine year old...lol.

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hborger

The truth in this is perfect! A nine-year-old boy would certainly be scared to death of losing his candy! Extremely well-done.

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Gelöschter User

Nicely done, wasn't expecting that. From the cover, I imagined a burglar or some such. Well done for the writing and the plot. You captured my attention, couldn't stop reading.

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Rgabel

Review: For a nine year old, this would be a very real fear! LOL As always you have managed, in a simple and direct way, to give us entertainment, hit the mark for the contest, and give a twist in the end.
Excellent job. I didn't see a vote tab, but will vote for this story definitely. Robynn

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L. Avery Brown

As I read this I thought, 'Oh, Lord, what is this leading to?! And when I read the last line...I grinned really wide. Yes, I suppose a 9 year old boy could conjure up a tale of such fright if he feared his hard earned Halloween candies were pilfered!

Nice!

Avery

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sereni

I thought your story would scare the bejeebers out of me, instead I had a good laugh. Well done my friend.

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bookzilla

that's just how i felt when i was young!

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lazarus67

Val...I do know well that you too have that knack. I've read enough of your stories to know that as a fact.
Thanks

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gooduklady

Adorable story, Laz with an ending I did not expect. You are able to revert to childhood quite easily, which is SO important when writing about the feelings and emotions of a child. Loved it!

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