very nice and SOOO cute!! moving REALLY fast though. you should slow it down, let the readers adjust to whats going on. and try to be mroe realistic. A newborn cant grow a whole pound in a day. trust me, i know. im a premee, too, and i was int he hospital for three weeks, down with malnurishment, pneumonia and a collapsed lung. and the parents ARE allowed to stroke the baby when he/she is in an uncubator, like i was. i used... mehr anzeigen
very nice and SOOO cute!! moving REALLY fast though. you should slow it down, let the readers adjust to whats going on. and try to be mroe realistic. A newborn cant grow a whole pound in a day. trust me, i know. im a premee, too, and i was int he hospital for three weeks, down with malnurishment, pneumonia and a collapsed lung. and the parents ARE allowed to stroke the baby when he/she is in an uncubator, like i was. i used to always latch onto my dads finger when he touched me. I dont remember it, but mom told me all about it.
also, the mother would have known when her water broke. contractions arent the first sign. the water itself is a dead giveaway. she would have noticed before Aiden, since he was asleep. also, youre making the admissions too easy. normally, the parents would have to sign release forms for the mother and the babies and Akira wouldnt have already been strapped in and waiting. he would have still been int he his hospital bassinet until a nurse verified everything. THEN theyd get him ready.
youre syntax was otherwise pretty good.