Very good reading Kaylin. You have a knack for writing. Keep it up.

Kaylin this is a wonderfull book. i was disapointed when it ended. you just may have to finish it for me so i can read it later

You did well in the area of descriptions and creativity. You have a good idea working for you that could become a novel. There are a few pointers I wanted to give to help you in your writing. Other than checking for grammar, you need to avoid head hopping. This is when in a same paragraph you place the point of view of two characters. For example, when her father goes to wake her, you mention in the same paragraph Imogen’s thoughts and feelings. This is a no-no. Editors and agents won’t accept a work like this. You just need to ensure that each character’s feelings and thoughts stay apart from one another, and that it is obvious to the reader that the paragraph their reading is about the character’s thoughts and feelings you want to portray. The word ‘clap’ you used for the action of closing a book is awkward. I believe ‘snap’, ‘slam’ the book shut or something similar would sound better. Read your sentences out loud and you will be able to tell if it sounds natural or not, therefore it helps you to eliminate unnecessary words or ensure to have proper word usage. Even though for short stories we find ourselves summarizing to squeeze in what needs to be known, we need to keep in mind that writing a novel is very different. For instance, you have her father letting us know the room is a mess and why. You can next time just say that he stood in place hesitating to open the door while his gaze swept the room. Then you could describe what made the room look messy. I liked the story and I hope you can expand this tale into a novel. I gave you a vote. ;-)

Wish it had been longer!

Wonderful story. Some awkward sentence structure but otherwise only needs some minor editing.

Thank you for participating in our free writing contest "Rain Stories".

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I love how you captured the atmosphere. Even though magical, you presented it as believable. Very nice!

I enjoyed reading the NA tale of guides and magical creatures. There are many besides the eagle and each one has its place. Well done for capturing the atmosphere and posting the story.
Thanks

I enjoyed reading the NA tale of guides and magical creatures. There are many besides the eagle and each one has its place. Well done for capturing the atmosphere and posting the story.
Thanks

I enjoyed writing it very much, and did quite a bit of research to be able to get it just the way I wanted it.