Did you read my comments on your book's page?

Yeah, I saw you had like one comment and that was it. I was surprised. Did you like the story though or no?

Really? I had "like one comment?" No, I left two comments - how many am I supposed to give you? The first one was extremely detailed. Did you expand the message or just read what was visible without clicking on the tab to show all of it? I also told you what I thought about the story itself, but after the second comment, it looks as if you haven't done much about fixing the mistakes and problems I mentioned, so at this point I don't know what else to say.

You have a great imagination and your basic concept for the story is excellent, but there are way too many errors for you to be asking people to pay for this.

Please take another look at BOTH of my previous comments, and read them through. I took a lot of my time to try and help you, and find it discouraging that you ignored everything, even to the point of saying I only left "like one comment and that was it." I don't have the time to leave such extensive comments for everyone, so I feel a little insulted that you're just blowing it off and trying to get compliments. That's not what helps you become a better writer. In-depth observations like the one I took the time to give helps, but only if you read it and take it to heart.

whoa, relax, I just missed your comment. I am not seeking extra praise, ok.

You missed my comment? How? And I said you were looking for compliments because I did tell you what I thought in the very first comment, and then again in the second one. And since you didn't bother to address the problems both I and Chris-Jean pointed out, it seemed like you were just looking for "Great story, write more!" fluff.

I don't need to relax - I'm simply discussing this honestly with you. You can't hear my tone of voice in a message, unfortunately, but please don't assume that I'm upset - ask, if you're worried about that. Insulted does not equal upset; I'm too old for that, lol.

You got it. ')

Yes?

Sure!

I'm so sorry - I got your email with a new version of your opening chapter and was highly confused. You had made changes based on the recommendation of others, and I told you that those recommendations were not good. You said you'd return to the original version. But then I got this newer one and wasn't sure if it was the same kind of thing, or new suggestions by well-meaning friends who nonetheless don't know the first thing about good writing.

Then stuff happened. I not only lost friends, but my father-in-law passed away, my husband retired and he is home 24/7 demanding all of my time, and my daughter got married and three weeks ago she had a baby, so...ack!

What I believe is the latest email from you has that "new" version of the opening, but it's not nearly as good as what you had before. You've added so much "telling" in the descriptions of your characters, that I wasn't sure how to fix it. What you've done is put in an "info-dump," something that's a sure way to get your story rejected not only by publishers, but by the majority of readers as well. If you want to include more descriptions, have other characters say things about how they look, or include it in an action sequence, or even as casual mentions of minor things. But honestly no one wants to know what the characters are wearing, how tight their pants are, etc. What matters is who they are - their personalities, their talents, how they interact. Those are the things that drive a story forward. Endless physical descriptions stop the story dead in its tracks.

Your original version was far better, but adding a little more descriptive dialogue would be fine. What you sent, however, was descriptive narrative, which after a while reads like a list of biographies on a program - boring unless everyone in real life knows who these people are. And since they're fictional, that isn't possible.

I also think I took so long to reply because I wasn't sure how to tell you all this without upsetting or discouraging you. I'm still only able to take a minute or two every day to answer posts here, and have been struggling to find time to do any kind of editing. However, my husband is going out of town for the next five days, and I plan to get back to all the stuff I've had to neglect.

How would you like to proceed with the story? It seems like I'd basically have to rewrite your entire first chapter to make it right again, especially because it's full of major grammar and syntax errors. I can help you add some description, but please stop listening to people who have probably never published a book in their lives, and are just trying to sound smarter about writing than they actually are.

Please let me know how you want to do this, and I promise to get back on track with the edits now that things have started to get less hectic. And thank you, as always, for your patience and understanding. ')

Okay Miss Judy. Thank you for your advice. I sent to you an email with attachments. Please check it. I will wait for your response. :)

Okay. I'll go check it out. ')