Very fast paced - am glad the hero finally slowed down his drinking to take control of the situation...I enjoyed the story and the ending creditably explained the chips and their workings...voted and kept...Paula

This is one grate book. When its finished you should get it published :)

Hello again Joe,

You've made some improvements, but you've got another misplaced modifier on p. 8. You have your order of tomato juice and bagel dialing room service. I don't think so. On p.36 you have again misspelled Chivas as Chevas. On p.47 "She was as glad to see me as I was. As I was glad to see me? I don't think so. I read through about half of your overlong story, but I'm sorry, it's just not my cup of tea. Your Brad is practically an alcoholic, and he's crudely trying to put the make on the boss's daughter which is guaranteed to infuriate him if he finds out, which he surely will. No, again, I'm sorry.

ELC

good

Hi Joe,
I just want you to know that I am still in the middle of reading your great story. I always enjoyed your style. I have voted and gave a star. I have entered the contest A Deadly Drive-by please read and give me your feedback. I will rate The Timing after finish reading.
Thanks
Linda B

Hi Joe,

I haven't read your whole piece, I'm sorry, I have so many requests for feedback (like over 40) and I'm doing a bit at a time between my study, kids and what not. So I thought I'll give you some editing tips and tell you that I think your style is light hearted and the story does move along at a nice pace. Good luck in the contest.

Some editing details:

Pg 5: ...Though, I'll tell you though his life... You have 2 'though's' Was one meant to be through? Not sure, but worth a look.

Pg 6: ...I'm not 'in your face, everyday' sort a' guy... Are you missing 'an' before your quote?

Pg 7: ...When the available opening to be on the road as a salesman, it didn't take me long to beg for the job... I think you're missing 'came up'?

Pg 24: ...Having great many questions that were still unanswered... I think you're missing 'a' between having and great.

Bek

The story has a great set up and interesting characters, although you could use some polishing in your voice and style.Definate potential as a best seller if you're willing to write another draft or two.

It is interesting so far, but my computer doesn't like the length so it may take me a bit to finish it. I just have to switch computers.

Just want you to know that I am so digging this.

Peace,

Sarah

The story intrigued me and held me to every page. Awesome! I voted for you and hope you win.