Excellent multiple entries in the same contest! Another great piece of flash fiction. I]m gonna feel bad, you're taking my votes away from other authors...
Very nice.
I was deliberating, as I read the story, whether it should have been written in past tense, but then, when I picked up the ending, I realized it was perfectly placed in present, so that the reader can pick up that feeling of now-ness.
I wouldn't mind seeing how this would play out if you changed it to first person POV, though. It could give it an edge, so that the reader lives the sequences along with him.
... mehr anzeigen
Am I'm leaving a vote. Best of luck!
---RbG
One of my favorites and definitely getting a vote from me.
What a fabulous, dark work this is! I won't give it away, but I simply didn't think...!
I like your devil very much, lol. Within the few lines of dialogue, you made him real. Too real!
Your description of "the moment", that instant in time, was as good as I've ever read.
Great piece, Jack.
...to have to live through the same pain and horror over and over again. My condolences about what happened to your acquaintance.
I am happy you like my little story. What inspired it was an acquaintance of a few of us at work committed suicide and we had a discussion on the price paid for suicide and that is when the story hit me.
The concept is just brilliant (the idea that we have to pay the price for our mistakes) and the execution is sublime. Short, without excess baggage.
Really loved it.
Good narrative....ha ha ha....so now I know what hell is like.